They're destroying our city!!!

What an ... interesting... day.

Caught a glimpse of the news saying the Patrick Cudahy meat plant being on fire last nite, between stuff on the DVR. Nothin' special. Fall asleep late/early.

Around 10:30 or so (I think), barely waking up, there's a pound at the door. Never heard door buzz, didn't know what was going on. Blearily open the door, and it's a police; city's under mandatory evacuation. Cop makes sure we're gonna leave and lets the rest of the complex know. Flipped on the TV as they were discussing it and why it happened; there was a good chance the fire could overcome ammonia tanks behind a firewall and the wind was likely to switch from blowing out onto the lake to southwest, right over us.

Tell Kacy when she hoss outta the shower; drearily put on my shoes and we ran to the bus stop. (Kacy had decided to take the later bus, otherwise I'd have been the only one home and have to go with the evac shelter.)

Yay for twitter- kept up with updates there. Went up to UWM and hopped on a PC in one of the labs and checked out the coverage. No sound, so couldn't get much for details, but sounded like everything was already contained.

Spend a few hours getting good and checking up for new info; next thought next conference was at 5pm but instead was 3:30, saying things were better but to conserve water in Cudahy (which was evacuated?) and nearby cities.

Finally heade home around 6pm, still not knowing what was going on. As of noon, they were sounding like possible overnight stays at the shelters. We headed to Kacy's parents. On the way down, the bus made its detour near Cudahy, but they wer eplaying with barricades. At the end of the detour, the barricades were gone. Hopped on the PC quick, and found that as of 7pm, the evacuation order was lifted.

Got home, checked on rats, opened windows, and relaxed after a long, confusing day. Overall an interesting experience. Still several hours of cleanup left, but glad to at least be home.


More info from the news here.

Ratplacements.

Two new additions from the Humane Society as of Saturday. Originally named Maurice and Buster, we kept Maurice and (after passing up Space Cowboy and Steve (Miller Band)) decided on Zippy. They're Siamese-point and dumbo-eared, which is part of what attracted Kacy (mostly) to them in the first place.

They're already friendly, coming up to the cage to say hi, etc. They don't like being picked up to be taken out but have no problems once they are. We've had them out on the bed a few times, which usually involves quick explorations before running back to hide in my shirt or Kacy's armpit. Zippy likes to sleep there, and Maurice tends to cause trouble.

The two are from the same litter (7 weeks old) and look almost identical; I can't tell them apart and Kacy can only if both are out and about. This also makes it seem like they interchange personalities- Maurice will run out, look around, get in trouble, run into my shirt to hide, and Zippy will pop out (or so we think). That's why there's only one picture, but there's very little difference between them. Hopefully we'll get a shot of both of them at some point.

They like their cage, which is good; they're busy wrestling off/on, running in the wheel together, and so forth. Doesn't look like we'll have any problems. Not going to cage them with Brother/Sister because we don't wnat to neuter both of them nor (at least for now) have a litter from Sister. We'll see what happens in the future....

Byebye Fifi....

When we first moved to Milwaukee, we got two pet rats from the Humane Society, Ruby and Perl. Kacy already had rats before, and I liked them and other rodentia, so it was a good fit for an apartment.

Perl passed away from a respiratory infection a few months later. We were out at the pet store a few months later, and were greeted by one rat with a big yawn and "what's up?" kinda look from inside the cage. We ended up bringing Opehelia home that night (on the bus, no less).

Since then, we've lost Ruby, and another rat (Momma), and replaced them with Momma's offspring, Brother and Sister. (They have other names, but have been lost over the past year-plus.)

Today we had Ophelia (Fifi) put to sleep. She's been sick for a while, and basically riddled with arthritis since shortly after we brought her home. Steroids would sometimes work, and sometimes not. She hardly had use of her back left leg, and developed a tumor as well (common in rats). She was always eating and constantly losing weight, and so we finally had her put down this morning.

This was definitely my rat- she would sleep on my neck or in my hoodie, ran to me to hide from the vet, and even layed against me last night as we let her out on the bed for the last time. This was destiny, though; she had an hourglass pattern of white fur on her stomach.

I'm gonna miss her... but it's better than limping around as she was, and being trounced over by Brother & Sister. After we lose those two, I think we're upgrading to cats.

Senior Year (just like everyone else)

This is going around Facebook so I thought I'd chime in, too.

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!! At the end, choose 10 people (or more) to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.


IN YOUR SENIOR YEAR DID YOU...
1. Did you date someone from your school?
I got up the courage to ask one girl out about 2 months before graduation, but it was "too close to the end of school" so no dice. (Didn't stop someone else a few weeks later, though.)

2. Did you marry someone from your high school?
Other than a few classmates on FB, I don't think I even talk to any females from high school, which kinda eliminates that possibility.

3. Did you car pool to school?
Few friends with a car had graduated, rest didn't drive, and my schedule wasn't conductive to it.

4. What kind of car did you have?
Didn't have one. Could've if I'd had time to learn how to drive, but didn't do that, either.

5. What kind of car do you have now?
I wouldn't want to be behind the wheel at this point.

6. Its Saturday night...where are you now?
Probably at home on the computer.

7. It is Saturday night...where were you then?
Same as I would be 15 years later.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school?
Marketing at Snap-on Tools, designing spreadsheets and stuff for marketing data. Great coworkers, enjoyable work... fun times.

9. What kind of job do you do now?
Tech support once in a great while; otherwise just soak up SSDI.

10. Were you a party animal?
ROFL. I went to one friend-of-a-friend's party and left probably a half hour after showing up.

11. Were you considered a flirt?
That would require people to talk to me... so no.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?
I was in FBLA and maybe Debate (I think that was junior year); that was the extent of any sort of extracurricular academia.

13. Were you a nerd?
"Were"? I didn't get stuffed in a locker but just about everything else... so if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

14. Did you get suspended or expelled?
Only a threat of such for playing with the business dept's new computers (see #13).

15. Can you sing the fight song?
No; I skipped most the rallies and wanted the ones I didn't skip to be over as quickly as possible.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)
Coop! Reminded me of my grandpa.

17. Where did you sit during lunch?
At home, getting ready for work (half day of school, work 1-5pm)

18. What was your school's full name?
George Nelson Tremper Senior High School

19. When did you graduate?
1995

20. What was your school mascot?
Trojan.

21. If you could go back and do it again, would you?
I wasn't at school enough my senior year to know. I'd love to go back to doing what I did at Snap-on, though.

22. Did you have fun at Prom?
I only went to one Prom, Bradford's, and I think Junior Prom, not Senior Prom. Nothing special.

23. Do you still talk to the person (people?) you went to Prom with?
Jan disappeared about a year later and I've no clue what happened to her.

24. Will you go to the next reunion?
I might go to one if I h've actually made something of myself, but I don't think anyone I had any sort of connection with or interest in would attend, so don't see much point.

25. Do you still talk to your friends from high school??
If it's in the pool of senior year friends, then no. My closest & best friends graduated the year prior or after and are still in close, regular contact.

The Sears... it hauntses usss.....

Apparently my mind was in the mood to kick me in the shins overnight, given the nature of my latest dream. I've had more dreams I can remember lately, but figured I'd write about this one (at least) just because I can and haven't written anything lately- want to make sure I remember how, heh. (No inspiration- too many things on my mind, too many worries... just not a conductive mood for writing I guess.)

Anyway... I was back working at Sears. I was working maybe once a month; people were surprised to seee me and surprised I was still working there. It was just like the goold ol' days.. old coworkers, old boss, etc. A few things were misplaced (always the case with dreams, can't be 100% realistic), but for the most part, I was back working there again.

The beginning was a blur, but a lot of the dream focused on me ringing up one person and dealing with a few rude people. (Not that we EVER got those in Kenowhere... nope.) Since I've been thinking about my eyesight lately, that came into play when it took me a majority of the dream to ring up a certain item because I couldn't read the stock number. Some other guy got pissed while waiting for me (even though there were all sorts of other free people, he had to point out how horrible I was), and the lady I was ringing up got impatient and eventually moved me outta the way and did the rest of the order herself.

Then there was something with colored register tape, but that was kinda a blur. More impatience, more general complaints.... and I remembered a majority of why I stopped working there.

Of all the things I could dream about (especially lately), though... why there?! Ugh. Could be worse though, could've been school days instead....

I Hereby Decree....

People, especially on the Internet, are quick to bitch about anything and everything. It's no big surprise, really.

What does get annoying, really quick-like, is people bitching about things where they haven't the slightest clue what they're talking about.

Thus, I hereby decree that everyone that has na issue and wants to bitch about it, should first spend a week in the situation in question.

Maybe then people will learn things like there's more than one person involved when making your food (e.g., more places your special order could've been screwed up); that there's no elf in the back stock room creating the product you want to buy right then & there; that it takes time and resources to develop, code, and maintain your favorite game or the application you're running; and so forth.

Sure, some of these aren't rocket science (though the coding one gets kinda close)... but it seems most people forget there's many links in the chain, and more oftehn than not, you're not always dealing with the weak link.

One of these random tag thingies I got on Facebook, but easier to do on the blog. Bored so figured, why not.

1.Put your iTunes music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
It Wasn't Me  (Shaggy)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
El Bebe Masoquista  (Fatboy Slim)
...is this telling me something I didn't know?

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Dungannon Dew  (Aethera)
...eew?

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Incognito  (Enigma)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Easy  (Faith No More)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Time for Fear (Who's Afraid)  (Art of Noise)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The Dreaming Tree  (Dave Matthews Band)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Great New Adventure  (QBNZ)
...probably true

WHAT IS 2+2?
Heaven  (DJ Sammy)
...if we talkin' boobies!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Alligator  (Weird Al Yankovic)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Battle for Heaven  (Glenm Danzig)
...que romantico!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Big Boom  (Jonathan Coulton)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Snowball in Hell  (They Might Be Giants)
...I just wouldn't be one for long.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lover Lay Down  (Dave Matthews Band)
...yeah, too easy.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Slash Dot Dash  (Fatboy Slim)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The Fortunes of War  (Dropkick Murphys)
...lol

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Exquisite Dead Guy  (They Might Be Giants)
...double lol

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Hot Rocks Polka  (Weird Al Yankovic)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
You Ruined Everything  (Jonathan Coulton)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Magic Carpet Ride (Fatboy Slim Latin Ska and Breakbeat Mix)  (Fatboy Slim)
...alrighty then.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
One Love  (Prodigy)
...Yay polygamy! Right?

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Bastards on Parade  (Dropkick Murphys)
...I KNEW IT!

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Waiting in Vain  (Bob Marley & the Wailers)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Mothers Day  (Stephen Lynch)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Santeria  (Sublime)
...err, huh?

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Good Riddance  (Green Day)
...I guess that's a 'no'.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Rock & Roll, Pt 2  (Gary Glitter)
...Well, most stuff today IS crap, so....

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Calm Down  (Psapp)
...even my music won't let me get my hopes up *sigh*

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
End of the Movie  (CAKE)
...Mow to figure out which one.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Hypo Full of Love (The 12 Step Pain)  (Alabama 3)
...Hmmmm.

WHAT DO YOU SAY IN BED
Beast...  (Avenged Sevenfold)
...That's what SHE said.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Which Describes How You're Feeling  (They Might be Giants)

Holidaze.

We were approved for the apartment, and moved into the new place on the 20th. Still have some stuff at old place, still have to clean up... but busy few days in here.

We thought we were gonna lose Fifi; a few days before the move, she was squealing and running in circles, twitching, etc. Looked like a stroke or something. Got worse over the weekend, moved her to her own cage, and didn't expect her to last through the move, espec going out (even for a few mins) into the cold weather to move her to new place. But, by Monday, she was back to her old self... as good as can be. Poor rat... whatever was wrong then, plus the arthritis, and everything else... and stilll happy and as carefree as can be.

Another round of holiday stuff tomorrow (dad's last nite, mom's tonite), then a few days for a break, then 'holiday' get-together with friends from mostly out of town... and then back to normal at the end of next week.

Will write more when there's more time....

More Apartment BS.

Things are going with the apartment app. Got a call Saturday about our previous landlord, getting info on a previous landlord before that, and a screwup on a phone number.

Turns out or previous landlord has jumped ship. He had an old house mysterious burn down, and now a second one, that also wasn't selling, has done the same. Makes for interesting times, but also makes it hard to get a rental reference.

Also had to fax in income verification (hooray for crappy automated systems!), but no big deal there. Waiting on another reference tomorrow, and hopefully hear something soon after that. They've stayed in contact, though, so I'm hoping it's a positive thing.

I guess we'll find out soon enough. Hopefully that'll help my mood....

Anorther plus to apartments:

There's no !#%T@^!@ snow to shovel!

Anyone who decrees that snow is pretty and/or that they like it, is hereby forced to spend the rest of the winter here shoveling it. And FYI, they're forecasting more than last year (over 100").

More apartment drama.

We got a call at 9pm last night, from our landlord. She wanted to show the place to two people tonight at 6pm. They raised a stink about 12 hours notice instead of 24 given in our 'we're leaving' letter and she's been rather hostile both times we've talked to her.

We sent the notice in on the 13th of November, and she called on the 16th to say they were putting the apartment up in the Journal for showing. This past Saturday, we got a letter (we didn't find it until she called last night) saying the lease was up Jan 31 and we had to give 60 days notice. The January end date seems right since we added Craig on in February, but if that were the case, we could've been told that when she called on Nov 16. Plus, we have a signed lease addendum that says we give 45 days notice, not 60.

So, we'll see how that goes tonight. Hopefully we'll get the drunk assholes loud and obnoxious too, so possible tenants and the landlord both can see why we're leaving.


We did have an appointment and saw a nice apartment yesterday, down in Cudahy. We're going to see another one a few blocks from there tomorrow and choose between the two, provided things are cleared up with moving out. It's about 2 blocks to Craig's place and 4ish to her parents' place, and it's way south side of Milwaukee County, close to more friends and less distance for them to drive.


App is in the decision processes for UW-M, but since I graduated with just under a 3.0 from UoP, shouldn't be an issue. Seems like it's ages away, but it's only a month and a half or so 'til stuff starts, provided everything gets done by then. Whee!


Here's to hoping things work out.

Movin' right along.

Our lease was set to expire at end of August this year, but when we added Craig on (to give him the relocation bonus from Bucyrus, since he was stayin' here anyway), it reset to Dec 31.

We've already been having issues with this place. The basement is partially unfinished (dirt floor in about 1/4 of the basement); several heating vents are uncovered and there's even one place you can see into the basement through a gap in the floor; windows are so old they're just about impossible to do anything with (on the ones that have screens, at least); the floor is warped so badly there's only one real spot in the dining room we can put a desk and sit at it without rolling halfway across the room; and there's our back door neighbors.

These are the epitome of drunken rednecks; if they're not working, one (at least) is so shitfaced he can't talk, whether it's after work at 7pm or an off-day and 2pm (or earlier). There's regular shouting matches back and forth, which is fine... until the music gets involved. There's three different sound systems back there, and especially when one brother gets pissed, he raises the stereo up to the point we hear it (clearly) on the opposite end of the house, to purposely piss off the other brother. Then they decide to fight even more, over top of the loud music.

We called the landlord; nothing happened. Called the cops a few times, and they came out a few times (not sure if as many times as we called). In August, I called the cops again and landlord again the next morning; with enough noise complaints, the ticket prices start getting shared with the landlord (to help make sure the complaint gets fixed). I told the landlords we didn't want to do that but once a week shit like this was ridiculous.

It worked, for the most part; music would still be on and bass would be up to the point we could hear it through the walls out into the living room, but overall, it was a lot better, until it started going back to same old shit the past week or two.


Last night, they were at it again, and decided to play 'dueling stereos'. First a home theater went up (some action movie, lotsa booms, etc.), so other asshole turned up his stereo (with xmas music). I guess they've got a third stereo, because that got turned up too. Rigoddamndiculous. Cops got called again and actually got to talk to the officer over the phone for once... hopefully they get a ticket (or another one if they've actually gotten tickets).

If that hadn't cemented our decision, the basement did. Heard dripping last night from a pipe near our washer/dryer, but couldn't tell where. Had Kacy come and look, and was easy to tell where it was... and the whole pipe was caked in mold. Explains why our allergies have been worse the past month or two. With all the open grates (the air return on the dining room wall is just one huge open hole; the grate never stays on)... it's certainly made its way up here.


So, we'd already decided we weren't staying here long; at first we figured stay til end of school in May and look... but have started thinking of doing so now, and have looked at a few places. We're 1 for 3 on looking (one place the landlord never showed up, and we underestimated the time it'd take and missed our appointment at one yesterday).

When asking Craig about a place to store the washer/dryer if we found a place w/o storage/basement, he also offered us the ability to stay at his place in case we didn't find something in time, which is a big help. Hopefully we won't need it, but offer's there at least. And it's closer to friends visiting over Xmas, heh.

So, the search is on....

Lack of updates

No big surprise I'm sure. Nothing has really changed.

Few job apps that went nowhere.

Only difference is now asshole is playing xmas music instead of his usual shit. One radio station is already doing all--and only--xmas stuff from now 'til the holiday. Fuck's sake.

Back again.

No reason to keep PC running 24/7 when not online all the time or logging sites in Aard... so moving blog back to a permanent host.

Grunt!!!!

Rather than usual diet of IQF chicken breasts grilled/marinated and served with rice, or vegetable and tempeh stir fry, or whatever else non-meaty, I filled myself up on carnal pleasure tonite.

I'd gotten an email last week from Pizza Shuttle about tonight being a special night where local restaurants donated 25% of their profits to Camp Heartland. I told Kacy about it and we decided to plan for ordering out.

Well, we couldn't figure out what we wanted. I looked around Camp Heartland's website and got a list of places that were in on the event. We decided on Harry's Bar & Grill.

Definitely not disappointed. We had Mac & Cheese squares for an appetizer, and I had atheir Brat-and-a-Burger for my main meal. Take a half pound burger, add cheddar cheese, pickles, and a bratwurst cut into fourths... and you get YUMMMMY!

I dunno why it's a big deal, but I'm happy to have had burger. Nice treat once in a great while, and nice to not have it every day... sure helps my gut. Still eat too much, but at least it's not stuff that's QUITE as bad for me.


Wandered back towards the house (via way of Cold Stone Creamery) after, but decided we'd had enough and had dessert here. Walking in my sandals made my leg hurt, though- I cross my middle toe over my second toe when I walk in them for long periods of time. Acted up more on the trip home, then got better as night progressed. I hope it's gone by tomorrow... guess we'll find out then.


I wanted to write today, but ended up napping from 10:30 til 2:30 or so. Le sigh. I really need to get back in that habit. Maybe I'll start writing in there rather than writing these... but at least for the moment, it's something.

TV and Life

I'm fast approaching 30. Not a big deal, really... I don't know that I feel 30, but I never remember how old I am anyway. It's all a matter of attitude.

But, I was definitely reminded of my age when I read some sad news last night. Mr. Wizard wandered off to play with that giant chemistry set in the sky.

I feel particularly saddened by the loss... not like a family member sadness (well, maybe, considering the lack of attachment I have to my family)... but moreso than most other deaths I've read about. It affected me as much as Jim Henson's death did years ago.

I guess this Digg quote sums it up:

This hit me harder than I would have ever expected -- I think because it took me back to a time when being a geek wasn't nearly as accepted as perhaps it is now. In an often lonely pre-adolescence, his show offered a brief but welcome comfort where I could watch TV for 30 minutes and not feel guilty or stupid or dorky or lame.

I even feel a bit bad about the fact that TV stars' deaths have had more impact on me than my family's deaths (save my grandfather)... but I guess I'll live with that. I haven't lost anyone else that was extremely close, so I guess it's hard to compare.

I'll move on, but it's at least got me thinking this morning.

Leaving a mark....

Quiet day. Class is all done, no developments on Aard... so a long day of doing lotsa nothing. Nice to get one of those once in a while, I guess.

Not completely useless; our porch 'makeover' that's been promised since before we got here was done today. This big project that wasn't in the budget for last year, etc., involved replacing the four or so main struts into the old, warped, rotting wood that makes up the rest of the porch. We're not happy.

More should be coming, we hope... but it sounds more like the guy's just trying to weasel away with money that he's losing on his own new house he built (and now has to pay fines on). I'll give our old apartment one thing- it may have been small, but it had quick, reliable service and great managers! Almost makes me want to move back... almost.

So, I've had a headache all day, and didn't get dishes or any writing done like I wante. But, I have now left my mark on Internet society! I checked today, and my entry into the Urban Dictionary has been approved! One step closer to world domination... muahahahaaa!!!


Oh well, back to doing nothing special. Maybe I'll get some dishes done... though likely not, heh.

Tag stuff.

Not actually tagged, but I agree that these are fun to do, so here's my responses.

4 Jobs I've Had

• Snap-on Tools (twice)
• Fast Food
• I/T consultant
• Retail sales

4 Movies I'd watch

• Shrek 2
• Clerks 2
• Spaceballs
• ...can't think of a 4th

4 Places I'd Live

• Phoenix
• Seattle
• northern Florida
• Texas

4 TV Stations
(if I had cable again)

• Discovery Channel
• Comedy Central
• Adult Swim (Cartoon Network)
• ESPN2 (for the billiards)

4 Vacations

• Las Vegas
• DC
• New York City
• Orlando

4 Fave Foods

• Pizza
• Lasagne
• Burgers
• Bratwurst

4 Places I'd rather be

• Working at a job
• Phoenix
• Somewhere about 15 degrees warmer
• Back in bed

Test & Tornado

Figured I'd write this while it's fresh in memory.

I've had a few dreams now w/ a particular girl in it. I recognized her in the dream today and some of the situations/settings/layout.

They all happen at my old junior high school. This last time, it was in some English class. She knew me, I knew her. We had a test (for some reason, it was on black paper), which I was having trouble with. The prof was a dick, one of those notorious for tough tests. Almost everyone that was in there had tried his class before and failed, but it was my first time in the class.

The girl (I don't think I've heard her name) showed how she (and a few others at least) had ways to get around the tough tests- a highlighted copy w/ notes and answers, and a voice recorder that the teacher (and nobody else) somehow didn't hear.

The teacher wandered around the classroom and she knew she'd get caught, so she made up an excuse to go to the bathroom and fix her makeup. The teacher knew what as up and caught her in her request. She left the room crying, and I could feel how hurt I was... but also had to finish that test.

A little while later we heard a big thud from the far end of the school; turns out (we think) a tornado had hit it. I pointed out another twister off in the distance that got close pretty quick and was gonna swipe the same end of the building as the last one. We al started to file outta the classroom, and went down the hallway to go to the shelter for the tornado.

On the way there, I found the girl again. She was busy crying in a hot tub. The hot tub was there before too; I remember it from another dream. We talked and I comforted her (sitting on the outside of the tub), and that's when I woke up.


This dream was strange; for one, it didn't have a totally ludicrous plot. A few things didn't make sense, but for the most part, it was plausible, anchored in reality far more than most my dreams. I dunno where the deep emotions for this girl came from but I can feel again, that my body was reacting to the dream pretty vigorously- heavy heart, etc. I'm not even 100% sure who this girl is. She looks like one or two people I know, but a very different personality from either that doesn't match anyone else.

It'll be interesting to see if these continue. I know this isn't the first dream about her... hopefully won't be the last. Do have to wonder though, what's being stirred up with these dreams. Sometimes I can understand the symbolism, but this time it's escaping me.

Weekend

Slept funny, think the humidity and lack of circulation in the bedroom is hurting our sleeping patterns. Slept on something funny cuz a few parts of my side hurt, too.

Plus, barin's mushy and stomach's not feeling right. Lovely way to start a weekend.

Supposed to go down to Kenossha tonight. We can buy a few months' worth of groceries down at Woodman's for the cost of a few weeks' worth up here, including bus to Kenosha (and sometimes gas for friends coming back up)... so we were gonna do that tomorrow morning after staying at Kacy's parents' place tonight. Not sure I'll go, espec with the fact I get bus-sick sometimes, and already feeling crappy won't help.

I might sleep it off, stay here, and take the time to write more. I've added another page to my story, but hard to focus on fantasy when you feel like you're gonna throw up.

I do need to implement the 'Write for an hour before you do anything else' policy, though... make it a habit. My morning routine is pretty standard no... wake up wheneve Kacy gets me up, have coffee/breakfast, check notes on Aardwolf, and then find something there to occupy me. Tossing in an hour of writing after she leaves for work wouldn't be a problem.

We'll see how I feel after a nap, might go down there. Might just stay here anyway, feeling good or not, to get some writign time and work on school stuff. Guess we'll see in a few hours.

Tagged again

I was gonna post anyway, but since I checked Technorati first and saw the tag from Kris, I'll respond to that first.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:15, later than usual... usually 5:45 but musta hit snooze a few times (and still feel tired).

2. Diamonds or Pearls? I love my black onyx ring. No diamonds; I don't go for overinflated rocks with price/demand set by the industry when they get them via slave labor.

3. What 2 things do you always have with you? Glasses (always on), my keys and wallet if I go anywhere.

4. What's ur fave TV Shows? Heroes, Venture Bros, Mythbusters, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Futurama.

5. What do u usually have for breakfast? Either a cinnamon bagel or Pop-Tarts.

6. What is your fave book? I haven't read in years... when I was reading, Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series

7. What is your middle name? Michael

8. What food do u like? American-Italian (now that I know the difference)

9. What is ur fave Cd's? I just added a music player to my blog to show (right sidebar at bottom). Probably Forest for the Trees or Enigma's Cross of Changes.

10. What type of car u drive? I don't drive, vision's too poor.

11. Favorite Sandwich? BK's Chicken sandwich, no mayo, add cheese and bacon.

12. What characteristics of person you wouldn't like? I don't like smarmy people, and I prefer a certain level of maturity (in general).

13. Favorite Clothing? It's too warm for it now, but I spent most the winter in a raggedy old green hoodie I inherited from Kacy.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation where would you go? I wanna visit Stonehnge. Also Mexico (Aztec ruins), Scotland, and Las Vegas (again).

15. What color is your bathroom? Royal(?) blue

16. Favorite brand of clothing? I don't pay attn to brands, tho I do like my Old Navy tagless tees.

17. Where would you like to retire? Phoenix, Vegas, or northern Florida

18. When was your most memorable bday? Probably my 18th... limo ride w/ friends down to Medieval Times (including obligatory limo problems)

19. Fave expression? Depends on the person... I just know I use the same ones too often.

20. When is your bday? Aug 4

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? I prefer night, but can do either.

22. What's your shoe size? 9 to 10, depending on the company.

23. Pets? Two rats, Ophelia (Fifi) and Ruby.

24. What do you want to be when you were little? I don't remember when I was very little. Once I learned about computers, though (age 8 or so), that's where I was.

25. How are you today? Tired and feeling sick.

26. What is your favorite candy? Peanut Butter M&Ms or Rolos

27. What is your favorite flower? Lily of the Valley, reminds me of my grandpa.

28. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward? I'm waiting to hear what day it is yet, my staffing for DVR/Badger.

29. What Church do you attend? Olympia Brown Unitarian Universalist

30. what are you listening to right now? Nothing atm... list in the right tab shows if/what/when.

31. What is the last thing you ate? Bagel for breakfast.

32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? White, so I stick around longer than the other colors.

33. How is the weather right now? 70ish, kinda humid... waiting for storms.

34. Last person you spoke on the phone? Jim, the driver from Badger.

35. Favorite Drinks? Sprecher's Orange Dream, White Russian

36. Favorite Restaurant? I love Chubby's huge hamburgers when I can get there, which isn't often enough. Otherwise, Charcoal Grill.

37. Hair color? Brown

38. What is your favorite toy as a child? Legos, Lincoln Logs, Construx... anything I could build with.

39. Summer or Winter? Summer- no snow.

40. Hugs or Kisses? Depends on the person, usually hugs.

41. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate, unless it's a good French Vanilla

42. When was the last time you cried? Might've been during a panic attack last year but I don't remember. Otherwise, an argument (I think?) with Jess.

43. What is under your bed? Nothing, just cleaned out laundry from under there a few days ago.

44. Who is the friend you've had the longest? That I talk to regularly, Steve. Otherwise, Craig, but he's not online much to talk any more.

45. Favorite smell? I visited my first girlfriend (Amy) once, and stayed in her bed while she slept on the couch (we were 15/17 at the time, nothin' naughty allowed). I can still remember the scent of her body from the bed, etc.

46. What are you afraid of? Heights, flying, and mushrooms.

47. Plain, butter or salted popcorn? Salted, though butter isn't bad.

48. How many keys in your key ring? 9. Two house keys, two for my mom's house, one for my dad's, three padlock keys, and my file/safe key.

49. Favorite day of the week? Weds... NWN night and second day of new week of school so no real homework/class stuff to do.

50. Do you make friends easily? Online, yeah- I'm pretty open. Not as much so in real life.


I don't have anyone to tag, all the people I know would post are already tagged. (I need new friends. *sniff*)

Nature

Nature and I don't get along very well. We coexist, but rather not deal with each other. Light sensitivity and all that means we're not gonna have a good time.

I found out this applies even when generally hiding from it. Was goign to write this morning, but birds chirping outside (had front door open for the breeze) really bugged me. I can't write when it's quiet, but apparently I need my noise rather than nature taunting me.

I tried to write a bit last week too, and the power went out. Maybe it was a hint.

I think I'm overdue for a nap, but we'll see what can be mustered up today... other than the sleepy cobwebs, I can feel creativity waiting and brewing underneath.

Quick update.

It's warm- AccuWeather says mid-80's. Thank the gods for the breeze! Much nicer than old place, even if we have to put up with mice (the bad kind, though we haven't seen them since that one day) and idiots driving by with bass up too high for anyone's good. Idiots. *grumble*

Appointment with Claire got moved back, a week from Monday now.

Gonna go try to write some more.

Edit- Maybe not. I did add a few sentences, but that was it.

The front door is open to cash in on some of that gusty wind to help with the temperatures and air flow. I'm hearing conversations, cars, and the 'bonkies' from our wood chimes outside the front door, and it's too distracting. I'm a little paranoid about having just the screen door open and not paying full attention with headphones on. I know the chances of anything happening are slim, but we are in a transitional neighborhood and idiots are more rampant when the temp's warmed up.....

Music can be a help sometimes, but it can be a distraction at other times. When I started the story, it was a help, it kept my mood up and was just in a 'good zone'. Those times are always fun. Today, though, I couldn't find music I liked so it was mroe of a distraction having to change it every song or two.

No big deal, though. I've got Stephen Lynch on DVD from Netflix to watch, so I'll find some food, take a breather, and give it a shot tomorrow morning when it's cooled off.

Eek, it's RoboTymme!

I had that visit from the 'vendor' (it's two people, though only one came here) that sells Jordy.

I tried out a few things. I tried Jordy first. I could be out in the living room, and with the right magnification settings, could read the bag of coffee on the far end of the kitchen, probably 25' away! It also had useful modes for reading text, adding a stand, etc.

I tried a similar product afterwards, but forgot what it was, and wasn't that impressed anyway... it didn't have the zoom and wasn't as clear with what it showed, etc.

I also learned about the Amigo, which is a portable CCTV magnifier. It worked really well for sitting on the table and reading text that was under it.

So, both of these are going to go to Claire tomorrow and be on my recommendation (well, 'required') list, along with a smaller LCD screen that both can connect to so that I can use them without wearing them, etc. The lady that did the demonstration today will also be coming back once I/we have the equipment to help me get a better feel for it, which isn't bad.

Kacy even got 'hired' for helping her with a small rehearsal dinner/cookout in July for her son... so it was a productive day overall!


Haven't done much in the way of writing. Quirky sleeping habits have left me frazzled, and the glare on sunny days seems to scatter my mind as well. (Random conversations from Kacy seem to get on my nerves and are more frequent lately, too, which always kills my writing ability.) Kacy will be babysitting for one of the daycare's families once a week for a little extra cash, though, so I'll have a night to myself soon, and can hopefully use that to my advantage.

Yawnage.

Not much new to report. Kacy saw a mouse yesterday morning, but we'd already started cleaning anyway... this just helped push the effort and will hopefully get her to stop nesting and leaving food out so much. We also picked up a few traps and put them out, but haven't checked them to see if we caught anything yet.

Went out last nite with Kacy and her gf Heather. They're good friends, and she lives a block east of us, but just haven't managed to get together much w/ conflicting schedules. Tried out a bar downtown, had a yummy calzone and a bit to drink, but nothing special. Went to her place afterwards and talked for a few hours.

So, now I'm working on my paper that's a day late, which is 1 letter grade drop... but not that concerned about it; I wasted the day yesterday exercising my creativity by playing SimCity 4 and then going out, so it's my fault. Think SimCity was just what I was looking for lately; I've had the creative spark, but not in writing as much. SimCity's a good way to get the brain stirring again.

I've still got the story to work on, and have the 'spark' there, too... just timing isn't the best. With Kacy working short weeks and not having class/etc., by the time I'm awake enough to write (or waking back up from a nap), she's getting home. Her hours will be longer starting next week, so that should help. Once I"m caught up in class, and have Heroes watched, I'll have this week free, too. So, here's to hoping for more scribblings in the near future....

Close, but no cigar.

Short day today.

After seeing Claire yesterday, saw Gerry today with my oh-so-lovely monster sunglasses. They helped, we tested what I could see for signs and street lights & stuff. Just a quick test, worked fairly well. Done in about 25 mins or so.

Then I saw Claire again. We were gonna try the CCTs to see if those would help, but started dealing with the stuff the Doc (I can't remember her name) suggested yesterday. Fiddled w/ magnifiers, monoculars, etc. I'm getting my regular glasses, a few hand-held magnifiers (instead of reading glasses), wraparound sunglasses, and a few other toys. I've also gotta demo and might end up using Jordy, too. All provided for by the State.

We didn't have enough time to play with the CCTV magnifiers, so I'll be going back for one more hour next Thursday. That's all, though, until the staffing when I get the results/recommendations (which I basically already know). After that, I'll start the official orientation classes and whatever else is on the recommendations (like getting ZoomText Magnifier, etc.). Some red tape to cut through with stuff, like the glasses, but will be worth it overall.


Havent' done anything with my story since I played NWN last night and these have ben kinda draining. I might tonight, and go back to my quiet mornings tomorrow/next week, so plenty of time to catch up. I wanna get back to it, I actually feel compelled to write more! Woo.

One more....

Well, today was ... quick.

I got in around regular time (8:00) cuz I was gettign a ride alogn with someone else, the same lady I got a ride with on Monday. Didn' get into the doctor til a little after 9. Did the usual eye exam, got a decent look into my eyes (for once). Checked out distance vision and reading vision. I don't know if I'll have separate glasses for each thing (we went over a little bit timewise), but am getting new glasses courtesy of the State of Wisconsin (via DVR). I'm also gonna get a monocular for distance vision (seeing street signs, etc.)

Hour two (or most of it) was with Claire, an occupational therapist. We filled out info for cheap bus tickets first, then tried on glare-reeducing stuff. I'll end up with custom-fit sunglasses that are tight against my head to block out vision. Tried out some interesting pairs that worked okay, dark blues, dark greens, etc. Went with a really dark gray. Gonna have to work something out with wrap-around sunglasses that get really close to my face to block out all the side light. Custom setup guess, will find out more from Claire about it tomorrow.

Best part is this is all covered by DVR; I won't be paying anything. Woo.

I had one more appointment w/ Jennifer at 9:30, and w decided tht was enough. I see Gerry tomorrow at 12:30 for trying out stuff with the sunglasses and cane (just to get an idea) and then Claire, and then I'm all done; a few weeks from now we'll have a meeting where we go over all this info again w/ my DVR counselor. Her and I talked yesterday, too, so we got some decent contact in.

Overall a fun experience. Lotsa laughs, and felt really good to be around people that were in similar boat as I was... about half the counselors had vision probs, espec developing later in life. Dealt with several other people coming in for evaluations and other training (computer stuff, orientation, etc) too, so ran the gamut of people to talk to.

I've got more in general thoughts, but mind's wandering about tonight and tired, espec after the eye doctor this morning- keeping eye open is a lot of work, as is dealing iwth less-than-the-most-effective sunglasses. I'll post again after tomorrow's meeting with more details and some thoughts overall.

Day two....

More of the same today, good times overall.

Gerry was first. This time we worked on using a blind guide (e.g., someone else) leading. I'd helped guide my mom and stuff before, but hadn't been on the receiving end much. Special techniques for wandering around in the dark (blocking face/groin), special ways to open doors depending on open-in/open-out and which side, etc. A bit of overkill, but it's part of the training.

Jennifer in hour 2. Learned about a news-by-phone service and looked at the store w/ various talking clocks, watches, thermometers, etc.- all sorts of stuff.

Hour 3 was Rob. Basically talked about how things were going, and seemed like stuff was fine. Talked about social aspects a bit, and got some suggestions there. Got done early and really didn't have to do much. Add him to the list of people I don't need to see again (one more meeting was gonna be on Thurs).

Lunch after that. Got done w/ Rob early so I had my lunch done by the time my actual lunch hour started. It was really warm and muggy yet; AC had just gotten turned on, storm hadn't passed through yet, etc., so it was good napping time. Girl that was next to me was having an evaluation done too, so we talked a little bit before I dozed off for most the hour.

Gerry again after lunch, with cane training up/down stairs. Interesting techniques, but I picked them up fast. Prob got done in about a half hour or so, even doing it with my eyes closed so I wasn't cheating as much.

The dr. I'm gonna see tomorrow morning is gonna be a bit late, but should still have decent amount of time in the morning. After her I see Claire, who's a low vision specialist, and has different devices, lens stuff, etc., to help with glare and other big issues. Can't wait for that.

Jennifer's said she's almost done w/ me. Troy's been done since day 1. Rob's done. That leaves Claire and Gerry (after one or two more hours with Jennifer), and I'm good to go! I doubt I'll be lucky enough to get it done tomorrow, but a short day on Thursday for sure. Then a few weeks, and a 'staffing' meeting with my DVR counselor and the people I've worked with, to tell me what's going on, what they've found from the evaluation, etc.

Overall, much better experience than I thought. Serious but not oerly so, lotsa information, lots of ego-stroking (having known and adapted a lot already). It's all good. I'll be glad when it's done tho.


)For the story- have the intro done. Probably write more tonight, got into a flow I like, just a matter of getting it written now.)

One down, three to go....

Not quite what I expected today, but decent overall.

Hour 1- Rob, 'overall' evaluator. General idea of what was going on for the day(s); rate how my vision works as it deals with x, y, z; get basic info about my condition; etc.

Hour 2- Troy, I/T Guy. More like half-hour. Typing test, few options I sorta knew about. Few good IT jokes, and I'm not seeing him for any of the other sessions I'm scheduled for with him... get to go home early the next few weeks instead.

Hour 3- Jennifer, Living Skills lady. (Cute in the 'mousy' kinda way.) Basic living skills- getting an idea of stuff I can/can't do as far as reading, cleaning, cooking, etc.

Hour 4- Lunch. More like 1:20 or so cuz Jennifer and I got to a stopping point kinda early. Already had about 5-10 mins after Rob's meeting and 20 mins after Troy's meeting, so was done w/ sitting around all day by this point.

Hour 5- Gerry, mobility training. Learned the basics of orientation and mobility, which I pretty much already knew, and started using a cane a little bit, tried a few different 'tips' in the basement of the complex and outside.

Hour 6- Jennifer again. Detailed stuff like certain pens, writing guides, etc.

Then, home! Yaeee!!! Same people tomorrow. Vision specialist on Weds and also an ... optometric therapist?... basically the one that suggests various low-vision aids like magnifiers, etc.

Afer that, jsut an evaluation meeting at some later point, and then whatever else results from that meeting. I'll ahve more mobility/cane training with Gerry but that's already reduced to less than half the normal time because I already use a lot of the things he teaches; it's more dealing with cane travel and learning that. Not sure what all else.


Overall, not too bad. Quite a few different people to talk to, and some perspective showing through. Had a few times I was with different people, and all the people at the center are blind/VH themselves. Rob told me about losing his sight in his twenties, having to develop and cope with changes, etc. I know I'm fortunate in that I've had my whole life to adapt. I'm also nowhere near as bad with what vision I do have, as those without completely.

Overall a pretty light-hearted, friendly atmosphere. I'll be happy when it's done, but other than the time between sessions, it's not that bad. (I could stand to get the chicken dance outta my head after hearing it on the ride in there this morning... ugh!)


Sugar's kicking in I think, headache's disappearing, comfy tempwise, gf's studying or otherwise occupied on laptop... think I'll try writing.

Stepping outside the box.

Per one of the comments on my last post about NaNoWriMo and who to write, I'm being pushed out of the box of my comfort zone for writing. Though my thoughts got derailed this afternoon (details on that following this post), I've been given a challenge.

Hopefully, by next Monday, I'll have another story written. It's an as-of-yet-unnamed kid's story. I had the idea for it as we were talking about it. I have to have it by Monday, though I don't know what's pushing me to do so. (I'd say I'm trying, but trying isn't good enough, heh. I have to know I'll do it.)

So, the most I can say, is stay tuned next week. No new erotica, but it's something.

Beginnings & In-Betweens

This afternoon, I got the call back from Badger, the vision testing place. I didn't realize the process for my evaluation was going to take so long. It's six hours for each of four days next week, with a half hour lunch. I don't know what could take that long; I'd have asked the person that talked to me, but her Latin accent was very thick, so I got what info I could understand out of the conversations and left it at that. I should be getting a letter to cover it in more details, I think.

The last vision-related test I took (other than for glasses) was in 8th or 9th grade, back in Junior High. I don't remember if it was just for gym, but I remember some tests of my depth perception, like bouncing a ball at me to catch it, etc. They used one of the big kickball balls, which I could tell well enough to do decently. A tennis ball definitely wouldn't have had the same results. I don't think this will be anything like that, though.


I'm excited, but also quite nervous. As is, I survive (at least in the lowest form of the word) on my own; I do get some help from others, but can generally 'go it alone' if it's the only option. The help I get, especially from gf and friends, is something they've come to understand and accept as a part of me. I don't think about it, nor do they (or at least they don't bring it up). My best friend Dan, for example, knows to walk on the left side where I can see him; it's become second nature.

Actively thinking about these limitations, as these test will surely do (and already have started to, to an extent) brings back chains of memories from early childhood through high school; anger and hurt towards the teasing I received, and anger that I was, and still am, an "in-between".

In-between is the worst place to be. I'm not normal enough to fully integrate into things like school, yet not shoveled into the Short Bus to be stealthily transported to the out-of-sight, out-of-mind Special Ed room. If I'm standing out waiting for the city bus, I look like a weirdo- hands covering my eyes, head tilted, etc. Move that out of the way, though, and I look like an average dork w/ glasses. You wouldn't be able to tell that I can't make out anything about you beyond vague details until you're 2' or less from me. I just ran into you and am an asshole, not a half-blind innocent victim who just got blindsided because I can't see anything past my nose, including you.


Anyhoo... these tests are designed to purposely test my limitations. Being confronted with them is a good thing, because I need to learn to accept them and find what I can to deal with them. It'll be offering help in ways I don't know about and can't manage on my own. At the same time, though, it also acts as a reminder of things I'd rather leave buried in the back recesses of my mind. It's going to be an agonizing week.

A different approach...

I've got no problem with writing; I think that's pretty evident. So, I'm gonna try turning my focus towards setting up a plot to follow instead- once i have that mapped out, I can probably write with no/less problem.

It's still a big step- so many options, so many possibilities, and so many hangups about 'what makes this different'. I've had some ideas pop into my head, and still have that prologue rambling about; might even work on that today, since I'm at least semi-coherent. Even just now, in trying to think of actual plots, rather than the story itself, my mind has more and more ideas popping into it as I write this.

I read about NaNoWriMo this morning, which I'd heard of last year, and might actually organize myself into giving it a shot. That means less writing and more focus on outlining/plot/etc., and assembling it all at once.. but ya never know. I'd love to eventually get something in print- the Leo in me wants recognition.

Blogs won't be interrupted, and I'm sure I'll toss in a quickie once in a while, based on moods... but overall, I think trying to set up for NaNoWriMo might be a good idea for getting myself organized. Time may be a problem since I'm looking at my last few classes for school, but we'll see when we get there.

One-eyed Tymme & Suicide Kings

Got the laundry done yesterday, but that was about it... not much else for productivity. Watched Suicide Kings last night- thoroughly enjoyable movie. Then again, I'm a big fan of Jay Mohr and Denis Leary, and enjoy those kinds of movies that 'jump around' a bit. It was pretty creative, and in a genre I kind of enjoy but don't know enough about to write something well there.

The biggest hangup I have with writing, I think, is originality. I don't know how so many movies, books, etc., can be so original after all this time. There's a lot that take a pattern and run with it- Shrek, 2, 3, 4... Spiderman, 2, 3, 4... whatever. It's been the case with video games and other walks of life, too- any old gamer knows Capcom can't count past three. Sometimes people find the right groove (look at Heroes, for example).. but there's a lot more that just gets rehashed... and I don't want to be that, nor cna I find that groove that is't done.

I've never been a setting/plot guy. The architect personality type fits me well- I'll take an idea and make sure it looks its best... but have to have someone else to actually build that foundation. (I flip between architect (INTP) and artist (INFP). Go figure.)

Day by day, though, things are getting better. Writing on here helps a lot, it gets me into the habit of writing regularly. I still have to deal with some issues (like poor sleeping and allergies) but it's coming along far better now that I write so regularly. Maybe I need to start spending more time focusing on pulling out the plots and story lines; I know my writing ability is there... I just need something to write!

One of those days.

I'm annoyed at today- though it's the same every weekend, today is particularly bugging me for not being productive. Rolled out of bed around 10am, gf finally showed signs of life around noon, and neither of us did much.

PC time off/one all day, but nothing got accomplished. There's not a lot to do, but enough- dishes and laundry, mostly. Neither happened; just sat around on the PC off and on, and when 5pm rolled around, got dinner going (grilled up some brats) before racing started at 6. The race got delayed due to rain, I think they called it at something like 7:40 or so. Watched an hour and some of cops, then part of news, and now on here writing this.

I don't really have any idea how, but think I want to be creative. Not easy to do now tho, again, the issue with gf being home and how just her presence (we've been pretty good about not interrupting each other) throws my creative mojo off-kilter.

I don't have much in the way of ideas, though. I do have the idea from that one prologue I started to write, and might try to re-shape it again... the only problem is once I've shaped something (like I started with that story), it's hard to get it back to my satisfaction. It might be good, but the original vision is lost, and that ruins it.

I did manage to lose and rewrite the vision in the last erotic story I wrote, though, so maybe my horizons are expanding. I'll let it float around a few days and see what I come up with. My next class starts again Tuesday, but the first week is always slow, so hopefully I'll find some time and ways to spark my creative juices.

We were gonna run to the fitness store and Best Buy to check out some stuff (we want exercise equipment and a new TV stand), but now that the ace is tomorrow instead, I dunno if we'll do anything useful this weekend. We still ahve to go grocery shopping, too- we skipped that today due to the time we were motivated enough and the fact it was Cinco de Mayo. Probably wouldn't have even thought about it if I hadn't hooked up the new HD box and antenna; the TV's been on more often this past week (an extra 5 or so hours beyond Heroes and NASCAR) than before. Maybe it's rotting my brain and that's why I can't write. Yeah, I'll blame TV for my problems- everyone else does!

Birhgt light! Bright light!

I'm light-sensitive. VERY light sensitive. Bright sunlight has me walking with my eyes almost closed, sometimes even w/ sunglasses on (though they usually help). Hazy days are even worse than bright, sunny days, though.

Winter is worse, because it always likes to get nice and bright after a snowstorm moves through. Glare is ridiculous- makes my eye water just thinking about it. What's worse is used to have my ee doc's appointment in January. It seemed to NEVER fail to snow soon before and be sunny the day I went. Dilated pupils make light sensitivity that much more fun! I am getting out more and it's getting better (as is being somewhere w/ windows instead of holed up in the basement), but it's always gonna suck.

I don't know if it it's the light-sensitivity, or something else, but along the same lines, I can't tilt my head back for long periods of time. I can barely do drops, and forget trying to hold my eye open to do them- touch it and I'll squint closed even harder.

It sucks for this time of year- I've known for about 5 or so years (well maybe closer to 10) that I've had allergies. Was a decent day out but eyes were going nuts when I went into work one day, and checked Weather Channel's website and pollen count (or something) was way high. Kept track and it definitely made an influence.

So, I've got allergy drops for now, some I got from the doctor at my last visit and my gf had some organic ones. I had her help putting one in yesterday, and we lost the first drop down my cheek. Second one got in, but could feel it didn't coat everything... part as feeling better, soothed, etc., while the rest wasn't.

Toss in glasses that are scratched along with this, and it makes for a hard time sitting around here! I amazingly only napped once this week, Weds, for an hour or two (since I knew I was gonna be up late playing NWN). The rest of the week has been suffering through icky vision and headaches and gnereally staying indoors.

Oh well, I'll take spring and allergies over winter temps any day! Though the headaches have killed most any creative processes once the day starts moving along... *sigh* More for the future, I suppose.


Edit- Went out for a while today. Maybe I'll take winter back... maybe. Went to Chipotle for lunch, then the mall, then Usinger's for some sausages for the newxt few weeks. It was that icky 'barely bright', not really hazy, but sun just between the clouds. I've got a raging headache, and eyes feel like crap. What's worse is it makes me think about how helpless I am. I could barely keep eyes open enough to follow Kacy's feet. Without that, I'd sure have been SOL.

The headache is bad, the eye pain is bad... gonna nap off those two. The sinking depression-like feelings are a lot harder to get rid of, though....

Hooray for video games!

There's lots of media attention towards video games, and not in a good way. First thing that was blamed for the VA Tech shooting, Columbine, etc. The media is starting to wake up and realize they can't toss all the blame in video games' basket and be done with it, though.

I personally don't play any of the FPS games that they mention- stuff like Halo, Counter Strike, etc., just doesn't interest me in the slightest. Some of it's due to vision (the ultra-realistic dark corridors and enemy headquarters are particular tough to see in, for example), but more of it is just an overall lack of interest in the genre. I CAN play them if I choose, but don't; the last time I played one of those games was probably back around 2000 or so at a LAN party. I got slaughtered, which was fine- it was fun with friends.

That doesn't mean I don't play games which can be violent. I've played Grand Theft Auto (owned 3 and Vice City) enough. I play NeverWinter Nights (NWN) with graphics on excessive (or whatever the highest 'gore' setting is). It's not designed to be blood and gore like the other games- I think it's laughable.

NWN is a great once-a-week event, getting together with a friend I see maybe once a year since he moved away and some other friends. It's currently my main social outlet besides instant messages (no work, no local schooling, no care for drinking/bars/clubs equals no real social opportunities). We joke around and have fun.

NWN is even a double evil! There's that naughty violence that everyone's so worried about now, and the whole D&D/fantasy thing everyone was worried about 20 years ago! (Ever see Mazes & Monsters?) Uh-oh!

Yet I (at least in the eyes of anyone I've talked to) turned out fine. I'm not gonna go run and grab a sword and slice apart my upstairs neighbors' cats. In fact, I'll be sitting here, brainstorming an idea for a fantasy story. Totally malevolent, evil person I am, no?


Sure, it might be a bit different for me. I grew up with text-based games like Rogue, NetHack, and Zork. I had the Nintendo and SNES and 'sweat' in my Mortal Kombat video games... and not a lot of detail at that. Compared to the realism of today's games, I can see how there might be a hint at more of a problem... but c'mon. Are we getting ready to blame Canada for this epidemic too?

Teh decline of civilization.

I suppose that could almost be the title for a story post, but that isn't it. I thought I still had the story from before, but I don't... not on RoadRunner, or my hard drive. I knew some stuff didn't copy over from my old HD that had it, but figured this would've. No such luck, so I'll start over as soon as I can flesh out the idea. In the meantime, though, you get to read a different thesis. :P


The rant is about people in general; males in particular. I'm a guy, and a perv. Par for the course. Sometimes, though, I really hate being reminded of that, like this morning.

Make sure you keep following the bouncing ball here- it's needed for back-story.

*deap breath* I held w/ admin stuff on a friend's adult site. This includes bonuses of all her content. That content includes a cam show site. That site has a handful of models from all sorts of different sites. You sign up for one of the models' sites, you get access to their cam shows plus all the others on that cam site. A model broadcasts to the server and people can connect and watch/listen, for one-hour shows; you can also talk in an accompanying chat room.

One of the gals on that cam site is called Topaz. She's a short, cute, BBW Jersey girl. I like watching her shows. (I'm a huge fan of BBWs, for those that haven't followed me from elsewhere to hear it before; I'll have to post my comments on that at some point.) A week or two ago, I added her when she gave out her MySpace info.

Day or two ago, Topaz posts bulletins and a blog saying she was robbed- few grand in cash, computer, camera, and other stuff. I checked the cam site and saw she's still listed for a show this morning, so I pop in to see if she's gonna show up and relay messages if not.

*finally exhales* Ok, now the fun part.

So, she ends up being a no-show. Hoped otherwise, but figured such might happen. So, I start relaying the info off/on when the 'y no show?' comments get grunted out.

I stuck around that chat room for too long. I know part of it's the nature of the beast, but watching males geared up to see T&A can be frightening. Lack of spelling, fine... understandable, the net's rampant with it. Moreso with pants around ankles waiting impatiently. I can even understand the nature of the comments, given what should be going on.

Watching 'females' (it's just screen names, so who knows) wander in proves a downright scary state. The three that did were asking for it (JaneLovesGirls or something, HotLady, whatever), but you could see the pounce as it happened. Barely grunting out 'guys too?' to JaneLovesGirls, giggled responses from her/it. More than one cock (size) fight in the 25 mins or so I was there. Two other girls ended up leaving after 5+ yahoo IM name & cam requests. I probably could've said *grunt grunt belch grunt* and had 5 or 6 people respond in agreement... though I wouldn't have known what I said. Round them up, throw 'em in the wild, and watch them start flinging poo and beating each other with clubs.

I see the same thing on an acquaintance's blog. (I don't know her personally; I used to see her on AWC and just drop a comment once in a while.) Granted, the blog is primarily about her sexual exploits (or at least nearly equal with other life experiences), but the comments there are hardly better. Heaven forbid there's more than a story or two that doesn't deal with sex- 'more sex stuff please' has shown up more than once.


I can relate at times, though. Everyone (self included) gets those 'need to be fucked silly' moments. I look in hindsight at the way I act, and feel ashamed. It's primal nature, but we're above that- we have the ability to think beyond, do more with our lives... ...don't we?

Times like this make me think otherwise. Same with middle/high school kids on the bus. How our society can get anywhere, at least through representations of these groups of individuals, is beyond me. How did survival bring us to this point- who was the ostracized ape that decided we needed to work on shelter and language rather than throwing poo and having sex all day?


...I think that's it. I don't know that I had a point, or solution, but felt good to get it off my chest. Now, 'scuse me while I go find (or make) some poop to fling and swing from the ceiling fan. *grunt grunt*

This day and history....

Today was a good day in some ways, but not in others.

Overall, it was good. I had fun playing Aardwolf again, which I haven't done for a month or more. I spent a good portion of the day talking /flirting with an old friend. Got some stuff done admin-wise on the game, too, and listened to the weekly radio broadcast.

I spent basically the entire day here, not doing much... and it was fun. I kick myself for it now, though- while I stayed up all day (which I need to start doing more often), I could've done something productive. Haven't done enough of that lately (except Saturday w/ schoolwork). I did break down our mountain of cardboard next to the fridge- it was stacked higher than the top of the freezer. Compressed it down to two pizza boxes and a big Ritz box worth of cardboard. So, I guess I DID do something useful today.

I think I've gotten most of my gaming outta my system now, though. So, unless there's bad storms in the morning (had some tonight and more forecast for tomorrow at some point), I'm gonna work on that prologue.

I seem to be 'at home' with writing about gods. Pantheons in pretty much any book idea, etc., that I (or my friends, as in this case) create are usually personified, and often based around us. That's where my nickname came from, for that matter- Tymme was my name for myself in a story I was writing. My friend took it and used it as the god of Time (each of us were a particular god in what was called the Circle of Light). That's where I got the symbol of the hourglass and the theme of the chronomancer from; it's even my first tattoo (the pic above, though needs touching up/finishing yet).

Now that I've gotten everything outta my system for fun and laziness, I'm gonna give wirting a try again tomorrow. I've had ideas for that story for a while, just distracted myself with the other stories, other people, or whatever.

Make sure to yell at me if you see me making too many comments like today, or just laugh if they're inappropriate ones... hehee. (Not that I'd EVER do that- nope, not me....)

Eyes are sore, butt's tired from bein' in the chair all day... so I'm off to bed 'til tomorrow.


(Aww, crap, I just remembered Heroes- we didn't watch it tonight cuz they were breaking in every 5 mins with severe storm warnings. I'll try to resist temptation on that 'til after I write....)

Bloddiction.

Today's new word of the day. *snicker*

I've gone through several phases in Internet life, espec since I've been around here since the mid 90's (92 or so was my first intro to newsgroups, and was on a school shell account by 1995). I can't remember all of them, but up until recently, I was on places like LostCherry, MySpace, AnyWebCam, and 1Up. (Yeah, for the most part, I'm a perv. Always have been. I just know how to mix in other stuff with it.)

Seems things have shifted again- this is my new addiction. Though I subscribe to the feeds of fellow bloggers (thanks Tiff for finding me thru Kat, heh), I'm still checking my blog & the expanding circle from there. Not that it's a bad thing at all. *grin*

Writing every day is certainly helping. The fact there's nothing bad going on ATM does wonders, too... but in general, I do notice a bit more creativity. I'm happy with that.

Feedback is great- it's always nice hearing that things aren't as bad as I thought. The perv in me gets an extra giggle/grin/twitch/whatever outta the various comments about the erotic stories, too... double bonus!)

There's probably a point in here, but if nothing else, it's at least a way to say thanks for the feedback, glad to be seeing some responses & glad to be spending my day checking for the newest comments/tags/etc. from/to everyone. :)

Weekends, yae!

Nothing too special for the weekend, really.

Friday was fun; gf had a short day and we went to the Humane Society after the weekly grocery shopping. We almost went home with a dog, though we couldn't decide between two- one was a Chipoo (chihuahua-poodle)... looked like David Bowie. Very shy- it took about an hour before he finally sarted getting close to us and let me pet him. He perked up when the second counselor joined us, since she was the one that did his review when he came into the shelter, so he knew her. Eventually he did warm up to us some... but we weren't sure... especially since he wasn't potty-trained and I wasn't quite as impressed. Not a big deal, but I was gonna be the one training him / with him a lot more than the gf was.

The second dog we saw was Ostara, a Husky mix. She was the opposite- wayyyy friendly, lots of kisses, etc. A little too hyper I think, though if we'd had a way to get her home (since we couldn't do it via bus), we might've. An older couple was looking at her when we left, and judging by the Humane Society website, she's been adopted.

Yesterday was just a lazy day overall... I don't remember doing anything of real importance. Schoolwork, but that's it; otherwise just a rest-up day. Today we cleaned some, watched the NASCAR race, then grilled out for dinner (grilled chicken breasts for later this week, and corn & pork chops for dinner).

Overall, a nice weekend. Gonna see about writing something other than an erotic story tomorrow, maybe finally work on that other idea. 'Course, all depends on moods... libido of late comes & goes, and that determines my mood for writing and what to write.

We'll see.....

Tagged....

I guess I'll bite for these, they can be fun at times. Plus, though I like writing, I don't really care for most recent post to be an erotic story. Odd way to greet newcomers.

A - Available/Single? In a relationship, though somewhat open
B - Best Friend? Dan/Steve
C - Cake or Pie? Cake (unless it's French Silk pie)
D - Drink Of Choice? Sprecher's Orange Dream
E - Essential Item You Use Everyday? My PC
F - Favorite Color? Aquamarine
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms? Worms
H - Hometown? Kenowhere
I - Indulgence? Hmmm... nothing really (at the moment)
J - January Or February? Neither, too cold
K - Kids & Their Names? No kids
L - Life Is Incomplete Without? Recognition
M - Marriage Date? Never married
N - Number Of Siblings? One sister, one stepbrother
O - Oranges Or Apples? Oranges
P - Phobias/Fears? Flying, and mushrooms
Q - Favorite Quote? "I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who respect it."
R - Reason to Smile- when I'm trying to act innocent
S - Season? Spring or Summer
T - Tag Five People? (Ugh, I hate this part...) Jess, Lizzy, Steve, Viki, Viviane
U - Unknown Fact About Me? Half my relationships have been w/ older women (2-20+ yrs)
V - Vegetable you don’t like? Eggplant
W - Worst Habit? Twisting my hair
X - X-rays You’ve Had? Head (often), knee, foot
Y - Your Favorite Food? Biscuits & Gravy
Z - Zodiac Sign? Leo

Ding, fries are done.

(Edit: Didn't realize they finally closed off my RoadRunner account. I haven't had it for ... 3 years now, but have still had FTP/web access. Moved everything to a new server, so the story links should work fine now.)


Finished up that story this morning. It's on the stories list now- 'Double Jump'. (Sorry for shifting stuff around again, trying to figure out which way makes the most sense.)

I'm not as impressed with it as my first one (Morning Would), but I don't think it's horrible, and as the saying goes, you're your own worst critic. Plus it's harder to convey the felings when it's imagined with someone where you know the feelings, etc., vs. making all of it up as you go.

Click here to read it in a new window, or find it in my sidebar under Stories.

I realized during writing this, that it's not hard to find me on the Web; 'Where Tymme Stands Still' is a common pun I use. It's been the name of most of my blogs/homepages, and my immortal rooms on the games I play. Not sure what people (besides the few I know and willingly share with) would think.

Oh well, who cares, it's a story! I can finally add the 'story' tag now- hopefully more to come in the near future. :)

Supplies!

...and stuff. (I dunno where that came from....)

I managed to get some of the erotic story written tonight. A bit of 'inspiration' for mood from some of the blogs I was reading helped my mood (along with a few random thoughts), and so I figured I'd just work on what I had. Had to break for food (was hungry as well), but scrapped part of the story I was working on and patched it back up. I stopped when the gf got home- still don't feel comfortable with writing around her, espec erotic stuff- but it's at least getting somewhere.

Might be opening the floodgates too; I've got ideas for the other non-erotic story too. That one will be a bit harder because I'd like to use Steve's creations (names, etc.) but I don't think I remember all of them. Maybe I've still got notes somewhere... but if not, I can try making some of it up myself, I suppose.

Either way, I hope to have a new story link as of tomorrow.. stay tuned. :P

Personality stuff

GF stayed home sick today. We ended up sleeping til 9:30 or so (nice vs usual 5:30), but it's thrown my day outta whack.

NWN was fun, though a bit frustrating. The module we're playing now is for epic-level characters, and we're facing epic-level problems. Eventually, big bad tough monsters aren't a problem, so you have to give new challenges. In our case, two party members have ooze zombie plague (after resting a few times, they'll turn into a zombie), and my character has lycanthropy (eventually turning into a wererat). We can't cure it via normal spells, and Bob logged in as DM to 'cheat' it off of us, and couldn't do that either. We eventually found where we were supposed to go, and got stuff for a cure, but this was after an hour of figuring out what to do about it and abandoning our current adventure to go back to town to figure it out. We were a little frustrated; though it's fun as far as role-playing goes, when you just want some decent hack-n-slash, it gets frustrating. Unfortunately, at our level, there's not many options for modules... so this was our main choice.


Since I was bored, and wandering about various blogs today, I decided to take a personality test off one, which gave my Jung score and Enneagram results (the latter of which I'd never done).

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 50% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 53% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||| 56% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||| 53% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 53% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||| 33% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 43% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 60% Your main type is 5 Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

The Jung test was a slight change, INTP instead of INFP; it varies based on my answers it seems. Questions are too vague and circumstantial anyway... how I feel at work is wholly different than at home/with friends, and I can't say which is the "real" me. Interesting nonetheless, especially after learning more about Jung, Myers-Briggs, etc. in my Intro to Psych class earlier this year.


No writing today. Not sure if mood's there, but the same 'cloud' hangs around, and thoough I haven't been bugged since I started writing this blog, don't need/want comments and links tossed at mewhile trying to get my vision across. Short day tomorrow but nothing planned; we'll see about then.

Empathy

I've noticed I've been more empathic/sympathetic the past few days. My mood's been swinging around, but mostly depressed over friends' issues- being alone, etc. Today I've got a sympathy headache (or just a regular headache from not enough coffee, can't tell). I suppose it could be worse; at least it's not PMS cramps or something, heh.

My creativity just isn't there lately. I had found a little reserve this morning, which I used to touch up some help files on Aardwolf; I think that's less creativity and more technical writing, though. Tonight is NWN night, which (provided I play) should help w/ my mood and my creativity, though it also means being lonely tomorrow morning and possibly distracted by new Mythbusters, and likely tired if NWN runs past 11:30 or so like it usually does.

So, though I've felt this way since my last post, I figured I'd actually write today to get more writing of SOME sort done. There's a book that recommends a schedule, one hour a day at a specific time. I could probably contribute that during the week, but the weekends and lack of sleep affect how well I'd be able to do so.

Of course, if I spent as much time focusing on the few ideas I do have as whining about not having any, heh....

So, I'll tell myself yet again, let's see what happens tomorrow. I won't even check out Mythbusters (if it's new) 'til after I try to write. Off to get laundry & dinner before gaming starts.

Things that make ya go, "Hmm".

I removed my 'notes' post, the dream is lost. The girl isn't, because there was strong emotion there (sensual, but not really sexual), so I haven't forgotten her... but the details around the rest of the dream/etc are gone now. I can't put back toghether what else was going on, which leaves an important detail of the story/memory missing.


I did do some writing this morning. This story, though, is like the last story I started but didn't finish:

As said before, I have 'visions' of what to write; I see the scene and can write it down. That's the case with the past stories I've written, erotic or otherwise.

The two that I've stumbled on, though- this one and one other- are different. The people I'm thinking of aren't just random people or friends or completely made up; instead, they're two former girlfriends. I think there's a mental roadblock with whether I should still have these feelings and whether I'm comfortable with writing them out in public stories for all (particularly current gf) to read. I know she doesn't mind, but given the way things have gone in the past (relationships with both the girls in these stories ended because of me looking for/thinking of someone else), I'm more worried about my own thoughts on it I guess.

(Plus, I couldn't think straight, my mind was as/more focused on the mood the story was creating, as writing the story itself, heh.)


So, I'll put that on back-burner and try again later.

I keep getting brief flashes of an idea for a fantasy story, but they disappear before I can grasp them and understand what they're supposed to be. It's a fantasy setting at least; it might be from something I've done/seen/etc. before, or it might be an actual idea. Until I can get a grasp on it, though, I'm left in befuddlement and try not to think about it too much. I'll let it bubble to the surface when it's ready to be coherent.

I'm not feeling the hottest today (think brats may have been slightly undercooked Sat night), so my focus isn't 100%, either. since we're in the living room, we will be able to watch Heroes tonight, which gives me time to write tomorrow (body permitting). Think I'll try a rewrite of a scene/prologue I'd been asked to write before; the ideas for that haven't gone away.

Meh.

I don't remember much other than the girl from my previous post, not enough to write about. Don't remember the situation any more, etc.

Today's another 'ok, now what?' days. Still desire to be creative, and still have no outlet. Other than a few small things, the living room is basically set as-is. Bought a HD tuner for my TV for watching stuff (Heroes tomorrow, w00t!), want to eventually find a new stand and move it. Once I do that, I can hook up the HT system. Until then, tho, there's no point in trying to put it up now.

I've got plenty of entertainment at my disposal- Civ 4, NWN, Oblivion, Aard, Dungeon Runners, and more... and nothing is entertaining me.

I'm writing more often, even if it's nothing of value, just to get into the habit of writing more. I know that's one of the things you're supposed to do when trying to write. I don't think there's a problem with being able to write... it's just a matter of what to write about. Just like it's a matter of figuring out what to do.

I might not consider myself in a 'creative' mood, as much as a 'tinkering' mood. Take something apart, find out what makes it tick, etc. Maybe something lik Legos might help. I dunno. There's construction sets for Oblivion and NWN to make something of my own, but I don't think that's the way I wanna go atm either.


I'm sure the constant complaints about being non-creative are boring and annoying too. My life is generally boring/annoying in that there's not much going on. I might hear more soon from DVR, which would be a nice change... but otherwise, I'm not left with many options here... sorry everyone has to hear about it continuously.

The birght yellow thing.

Bright lights, they burnses us! Or, at least they kinda did yesterday.

Productive day overall. Walked to Pick n Save (just a few blocks over) to get bus tickets, then took the bus and met Kacy at the daycare for lunch. She had a two-hour break, so we walked over to Bella's for lunch (mmm, burrrger... mmm, thicklicks... equivalent of a DQ Blizzard). I walked home from there when she went back to work.

Was probably a few miles' worth of walking, all told. The sun was out in full force, and the napkin I got at Bella's showed that when I got home- nice and destroyed. It was the first real sunlight I'd been exposed to (for an extended period of time) for a while, and it sucked. (Being very light-sensitive sucks, boys n girls.) But, it was 60ish degrees, felt nice (I left my jacket w/ Kacy cuz it was too warm for it) and was nice to be out walking.

We're back out in the living room now.... at least the essentials are set up. The bookcases weren't positioned right, so we have to take down both now rather than just the smaller, easier one I did yesterday. Once we do that and move them, though, we'll have things set up where only my PC desk and the couch/table need to be moved to be in the dining room for winter.

(This is all provided we're still here. If things go well w/ interviews, jobs, school, etc., I'd love to already be looking at or living in AZ/FL/etc.)


Off to shower; gonna talk w/ my uncle about a tech support deal and work on the living room today. Productivity is fun!!

It's something at least....

Unfortunately, it's not writing. That's still bugging me. I haven't had much for inspiration of late, nothing sparking my imagination. I think I have a poem I'm about ready to write, but not 100% yet. Short story ideeas are all poof, nothing for creativity. I'd hoped Neverwinter Nights or Oblivion or something would spark my moods to write, since I can feel some fantasy story in there... but no dice yet.

I'm at least writing here, trying to do so regularly, to at least get something written down more often than once a month/year/whatever like I used to do. It's mundane stuff for the most part, but it's better than nothing I guess.


Tomorrow is an exercise in creativity, though in a different medium... moving back out into the living room. We got this place because it's bigger (it's probably bigger than my mom's house)... which is all fine and dandy, but it's an old, uninsulated house. Our heat bills were hitting $150-$200/month, which was more than we could handle. Energy Assistance programs sorta helped, by paying a month's worth ($120ish) and that's it.

So, we put up an old blanket across the archway between the living and dining room and moved into the dining room. It's more cramped, but livable, and it meant the heat was turning on every 20 mins rather than every 10 when it was really cold out (and that's with thermostat at 62, brr). Now that it's finally warming up in general (minus the where-the-hell-did-THAT-come-from snowstorm last Monday), we're moving back out there. Unlike moving in here, though, we're not moving the bookcases- too much to take down and put back up. So, we're rearranging around it.

I kinda wanna move the TV too... it's in a corner on a diagonal, which is okay, but makes it hard to get good positions for my surround sound speakers that I want to hook up (now that I have room, and provided they stil work- haven't tested since moving here or at the last apartment, so about 1.5 years ago). There's not a lot of choices for setup, though, so it might stay where it's at.

The nice thing (and I'm shocked for saying it) is that I'll be back out where there's more light. The only time there's a lot of light in here is closer to noon, but then the sun's shining in and I have to close the blinds cuz it goes right across my monitor or behind/in front of it on my desk so I can't see.

I'm not gonna do anything too drstic, like start going outside for the hell of it. :P But, it's at least something a little nicer overall... and it's been fun moving stuff around. Plus, toss in the surround system, get my xbox modded like I want or run stuff from my PC (or both), and it can be a lot more enjoyable out there.

We'll see where things go. Think I'll go be constructive and do homework.

w00t.

My meeting w/ my DVR counselor was today, and I'm happy I went. I know there's gonna be stuff I won't enjoy in the process here, but I'm looking forward to a lot of help the DVR has.

I'll be going out to a center for the blind/visually handicapped for an assessment, to see what they can suggest for tools for me. Mobility, etc., training will help, and it sounds like there's a lot of options that they have that I prob haven't even thought of. It'll be interesting to see what happens there.

There's also a program through Goodwill that works with handicapped individuals and the I/T field, which I'm really interested in. It basically provides networking services via monthly meetings, as well as an I/T worker already in a company (bigger companies like Northwestern Mutual, etc.) to help me towards getting a job. Because you have to be in school as part of the program requirements, there's extra stuff there too, like scholarships.

I know I'm not gonna enjoy some of what's due in my future, but OTOH, some of this stuff sounds like it'll help immensely. Big smiles today! Now, to keep myself from taking a nap today so I can go to bed early... hopefully I can break the napping habit quickly enough... especially if I get a job! *hophop*

Scribble, scribble.

Nothing new yet. Ideas floatingaround, but nothing in cement. I foudn another story I'd started, that I might try to continue on... though I don't remember any of it. There's another half-finished erotic story and another erotic story idea bouncing around that I can finish at some point too.

Thunder/etc. today, though, so at least for now, I'm not gonna write anything. DVR appointment tomorrow, so likely not then, either. But, I will write something soon.


In the meantime, I've linked some of the stories/poems I've written and saved; they're added to the right-hand column down at the bottom... oddly enough, under 'Stories'. Whodathunkit?! I'm also gonna go back and tag a few stories as writing-related, mostly for the future though.

Vision vs creativity, et al.

I was thinkg about art tonight, after watching Pleasantville and the bous features about the artwork, etc. involved.

I used to draw. I wasn't the best at it, but i could mimic others' work. That's gone down the tubes w/ vision loss. I can't see anything in pencil for outlines, etc; it'd be too dark to do a rough sketch and then flesh it out.

But, I thought about art in general. I'm not creative. I'm logical. I have a way with words, but I need the vision to be there to relay it. No image, nothing there. That's why I never start stories- I never have an idea from start to finish. The story I wrote for my Creative Writing class started with a vision. I think it's easy to tell where I lost it and stumbled around for a conclusion.

Thankfully, a few ideas are brewing around just under the surface. I think I'll pick at them a little and see what comes up next week.

Lack of vision.

My vision sucks. (For the few that read my blog and don't know, I'm blind in my right eye since shortly after birth, and the vision in my left eye is deteriorating, probably 20/300 or so now.) Thankfully, computers nowadays help out with a lot of these issues. Since I'm so light-sensitive, I use white-on-black colors (like I should have set up here in my blog) for just about everything.

It seems Windows Vista has taken this a step further. Though I have things set up as white-on-black, it seems to override some of my other desired settings, such as checking out the colors and layouts of pages in Internet Explorer. Tried removing the overrides, no dice.

On the other hand, the old build of Firefox wouldn't respect it's user settings for me either. I had to upgrade to a test build of Firefox 3.0 to get popups to cooperate; otherwise, in 2.0 and prior, they show up transparent. Trying to read text on top of other text doesn't work very well.

Anyhoo, this leads to problems. Until you see it for yourself (like Kacy mentioned a few days back), you don't realize how inaccessible things can be sometimes. Whether it's having to change my settings to read something that uses black text rather than default text (black-on-black isn't easy to read, if you couldn't guess), games that use a pretty light/white background and dark text, trying to read regular school textbooks, or maneuvering down unmarked steps in the real world (the marble steps at Grand Ave. Mall in particular)... it gets frustrating sometimes. (The steps are a double evil, with the whole lack of depth perception... but that's a different story.)


Next week I have an appointment with DVR (Dept. of Vocational Rehab) as part of my long-term disability requirements. I'm actually looking forward to getting help from them. Though I do know how to take care of some things on my own (I've got a magnifier for when I really need to read something & Kacy's not around), it'll be nice to get some help, especially from someone who deals with the blind/nearly-blind on a regular basis. (My ...case worker?... is geeky and has a geek hubby too, so that's an extra plus for helping in the geek job market.)

I'm kinda curious about cane training. Though I don't need it as badly as my mom did, it's nice to have the option, especially before it gets too bad. It also shows that I can't see well; rather than being an asshole that just ran into you without flinching, you'd realize you just completely blindsided me. I also wouldn't feel as bad having to stop different bus routes where they share a common stop if they know I can't see the route numbers.. which would be an issue if/when I eventually find a job downtown somewhere.


I guess we'll see what happens. It's not something I care to think about more than needed, but comes up way too often of late. *sigh* I suppose I can look on the bright side- at least I still have some vision. I suppose being nearly blind doesn't make that point easy to see, though.

"Everyone heard me say reset button, right?"

No bath (you've never seen my tub, icky rusted out drain (yae for old houses)), no meditation, no nap... didn't use any of them to help my mood. (Thanks for the suggestions, though.)

What did do it? Smiley-faced french fries. (It's the simple things, sometimes.....)

I dunno if that really was it or not, but by that point, my mood was a lot better. There wasn't any improvement yesterday morning; still had the lingering mood from the night before, and Ruby digging around in her food dish was annoying me even more.

I'd toned down my Aardwolf experience by turning off info and channels, but that didn't stay that way for that long. I got annoyed with myself over constatly checking the secreen even though I tried to limit what I saw. When I turned channels back on, I had to listen to someone I'd hoped would be gone longer, and just got more annoyed, to the point I froze myself so I couldn't return until Sunday.

I then spent 4-5 hours playing Civilization IV, and my mood started to ligthen some as I forgot about everything else. I had my other Puma Kola soda with lunch, and then was surprised with those fries for dinner along with bacon-cheddar chicken sausages. I was doing alright by that point. I didn't do much else; grabbed a late nap on the couch while Drawn Together was playing, and that was about it.

Without Aard, I showered and went to bed around 10:30, vs. the usual midnight ro so. Kacy joined me probably 20 minutes later. Since we went to bed early, we read some more of Microserfs. Kacy erupted into a giggling fit over the author's rendition of girls discussing tampons, pads, etc. (it was dead-on, from what she said). We stopped about the time the light went off, which was 11:45, and went to sleep. (Normally light going off means it's time to shower and then head to bed.)

I'll probably waste a few hours on Civ IV again today, but also going to do some stuff around the house. (Or maybe a nap, since my nap at 6pm or so last night didn't help me get to sleep.) ...At least, that's my intentions. I'd like to do something constructive (schoolwork or housework) before NWN tonight, and not just fall into the rut of wasting my day away on something else.

Regardless of what I do/don't do, at least it's an improvement in moods.

More of the same.

I'm annoyed and indecisive on things in general today, a slight tweak from the depressed I was earlier. I'm getting tired of being in this funk, but don't know why I'm even in it. I dedicate too much time to this PC, but there's not really much else to do. I don't have a job to go to which can break the monotony, and there's only so much one can do for cleaning/etc. before it gets old.

So, I get up, have coffee, check out stuff on Aardwolf, fiddle around 'til I gett ired or bored, got to sleep, wake back up, and go back to doing nothing 'til I go to bed at night. Everything I try to do lately--writing, job-hunting, cleaning, whatever--just feels pointless. Even writing this doesn't feel likeit's helping any; I'm infuriating myself that I'm constantly whining on here, even though that's the whole point of these things.

After an uneventful weekend (and a thankfully uneventful Zombie Jew Day), topped with an even more mediocre day today, I've cut off my connection to Aard for the time being. I'm gonna probably avoid homework 'til after dinner, see if that helps my mood some. We'll see what tomorrow brings... robably more of the same, but I think I'm gonna try to escape the daily routine and do something different.

(Of course, what I say, and what I do, are two totally different things.)

It was a dark and stormy night....

Ok, well, it wasn't stormy, but my mind was brewing up lotsa fun again. I was outside my mom's house and got robbe at gunpoint. I did exactly what I thought I'd do in the situation- laugh. I only had a few bucks on me, but a few credit cards, too. The robber looked and sounded a lot like Christopher Eccleston. (He was Claude from Heroes and The Carpenter from Gone in 60 Seconds, both of which I'd thought about yesterday, so not totally a surprise there.)

I remember acting stupid and being scared, even after he was 'done' and let us go, I was still looking over my back as I went into the house. I think I got yelled at for a smartass comment, though I don't remember what it was now. It woke me up, and I could still feel the adrenaline and my heart pumping.


It did make me do something I've thought about doing for a little while- I cleared some stuff out of my wallet that I don't use regularly. For example, I don't go to Best Buy that often, so I took out my Best Buy credit card. I can grab it when I know I'm going there and need it... and when I'm not, it's one less card to worry about if my wallet was stolen. I can't get rid of everything, but cutting down what's 'valuable' but not useful in most situations will help a little. It's not like I wouldn't cancel them as soon as possible anyway, but it's not something you think about until it happens.

I don't know what's made me so paranoid. I've never been mugged, never had house or car broken into, etc. I've always been slightly irked at flying, but the trip to MD for Dan's wedding was really nerve-wracking, too. The basement can freak me out at times now, depending on my mindset. Hell, a few times I've watched Heroes, I've gotten really creeped out and twitchy over any noise coming from the kitchen/etc. I don't know what's gotten into me or changed, but I'm not happy with it....

I just sent in paperwork for state-sponsored Medicaid (and covering my Medicare payments). There's a clinic a few blocks from here that I picked as my primary care agent, so I'll stop in at some point and give them a heads-up. I'm all for an active imagination, but not when it leaves me waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding.

The Darkness that lies within....

I woke up feeling crappy this morning, mentally and physically. I was telling at myself not to cop out and go to sleep, but with PC problems limiting what I can do on here, I didn't have many other options. I ate a pop-tart to quell my twittering stomach, waited to see if it'd help, and then laid down when it didn't.


I know sugar always makes my dreams weird, but mood played more impact on this one (or something). I've lost the part of the dream prior to being in a certain place. A group of friends was already at this location, and I showed up in wait for another one, which arrivced shortly.

Then he showed up. This evil has been a part of my dreams before, because I recognized him right away. (Shooting one of my friends in the face and threatening to shoot naother kinda gave away the hint he was evil too, but I knew it even prior, thanks to the fun omniscient 3rd-person view.)

I could feel the raw hatred for this guy, and I'd had enough in my dream. Nobody else noticed what had gone on until I decided to take action. This guy has always had a smug smile on his face as I take out my hatred on him, and this time was no exception. I'm talking real hatred, too- seeing red, and wanting to destroy him; I felt the pleasure of feeling my fingernails gouge into his eyes, forcing his mouth open and biting off chunks of his cheek (and then spitting in the blood pile), and generally destroying him. He sat there with a smug grin the entire time and nothing phased him, and that pissed me off even more.

As punishment for screwing with him, I was sent into a labyrinth where I could see my friends held hostage, but couldn't get to them. Other things came into play here (Aardwolf- dumping mobprogram code to see what the enemy I was fighting was gonna do), etc. I woke up shortly after, with no resolution, but the images of what'd happened still haunting me.

What inner demons am I fighting off here? The rage reminds me of the feeligns I had in middle school towards a bully that was picking on me. I showed him I didn't care by kicking him (poorly- I was a twig back then) and then letting him kick my ass (literally) to show I didn't are what he did. He stopped after that, but I know I've felt animosity towards him now, 15+ years later. It' s not him in the dreams, but the two look familiar.


Maybe there's something worse going on somewhere down there... but whateer it is, I'd like to know and get rid of it. At least the reasons for the nap in the first place (depression, physically quirky) are gone....

Ankh if you're Timmy!

Went to Mayfair Mall yesterday, cuz I had a doctor's appointment. I managed to keep my eye open long enough for him to look at my retina, got a pressure reading, and generally went well (far better than the last few times).

(Also got a laugh... the two receptionists were talking about something, and one showed her excitement by saying 'Woot!' in response to another's comment... was funny to hear from someone that falls out of the range of geekdom.)

Afterwards, we wandered around the mall some; I had an urge to splurge on something after getting my financial aid excess funds check (after cutting down some bills). Checked out Gamestop, nothing of real interest; checked out a few other stores, and then stopped by the Egyptian jewelry store.

I'd worn chains a few times before, and was thinking of wearing one again. Not many will see it, since I'm not out in public or visiting people that often, but it's still something nice to have.

Looked around some, tried on a few different chains, and eventually ended up with a byzantine chain and an ankh for it. Brings back the good old days- the whole Group had worn ankhs at one point; we'd gone to Gurnee Mills and all picked out our own necklaces and style of ankhs and wore them for a while. Some of us got a little crap for it (the relation to Egyptian gods vs devout Xian family), but overall, it was a nice symbol of life/love to wear together.

Plus, it was normally something like $220 for chain + $50 for ankh, and we got it for $190. The guy was very helpful, told us stories about the ankh, drew out heiroglyphs for our names and showed us a few different things we could pu them on (rings, charms, etc.) Overall, a really cool guy, really fun time. I still smell like the perfume oil/whatever he put on me tho... *snicker*


Off to get ready for Knosha... going down overnight to shop at Woodman's and stock up on groceries. Got a new freezer, and cheap grociers down there- might as well put the combo to use!

Why I never go out...

Kacy, Steve, and I went out for food here in Milwaukee on Saturday night. We were expecting a few more friends to show, but they never did, so it was just us three.

We figured we'd give Pizza Shuttle a go. Ordered from there plenty of times, but never ate there, so we fig'd we'd give it a try.

We figured it'd be a sit-down restaurant type place; they'd even advertised having more room (expanding) and free WiFi and stuff., Instead, it was like Omega's or any number of other places- big counter to order, window where they yell out numbers to pick up your food when it's ready. No big deal in and of itself.

We were lucky enough to find no booths open, so sat in chairs against the front window.. Got to watch the idiocy going on outside (holiday weekend + college town = idiots galore!)... and immediately remembered Milwaukee doesn't have the same no-smoking-in-common-areas laws as Kenowhere does. Some kids (probably not even old enough to smoke) were smoking cheap-shit cigars a few chairs down from us... and the smell was making me sick on top of being hungry.

Kacy got a burger and Steve and I shared a pizza. Kacy's was up first, and her and Steve went up and got it since we thought it'd be the whole order. I guess while they were up there, Kacy was approached by some drunk guy on crutches, screaming something about geting him kicked out after being a punk and sayhing Kacy and some friends accused him of stealing their pizza (or something along those lines). Kinda tough since this was our first time ever in that restaurant.

We joked about it for a while, then got our pizza when it was ready, and had a generally uneventful dinner (amidst the crappy cigar smoke and Steve and I saying 'You stole our pizza!' to Kacy).

When the guy decided he was done, he had to get in another round. He stumbled over to us (well, as close as he could get, considering there was a table with another family on it in the way), and started bitchinga bout Kacy again. Insert drunken ramblings about having a police report, getting his buddy of 50 years on the policeforce to find him (Kacy, near-shaved head, wide shoulders, and coat to hide the tits, makes quite a tough-looking guy), and other shit.

Things probably coulda gotten bad, the guy was yelling, and Kacy couldn't get a word in edgewise. Most of the people there were watching, but that was no big deal. The ugy was starting to cus at Kacy, and the father at the table he was leaning over had enough and told him to shut up, cuz he had kids there. He added something about not havng to, he'd been in the service and honorably discharged twice (or something), and finally gave up and wandered outside.

Half the restaurant watched as he drunkenly hobbled away, and laughed when we thought he was going into the George Webb across the street... but he disappointed us and hobbled away elsewhere. We finished our food, dodged the various stares, and headed home.

Watched an episode or two of Mythubsters, and called it a night. In the future, we'll order out.

Le sigh....

We'll see how this works, given I can't read much of it for correctness. Eyes are junked over n stuff, it's late, and I'm finally getting tired.. but thought this might help settle my mind a bit.

(Edit- it did, though I still slept for shit. I'm cleaning up typos on the post and then gonna go back to bed I think. 3am til 6am isn't enough sleep for me to last a whole day any more.)

I've been going to UoP for a while now... after a second attempt at Parkside, after a half-assed first attempt, after hardly an attempt at Waukesha Technical College. So, it's been over 12 years to finish a 4-year degree, and I've still got over half a year left.

My taste for UoP has never been 'great'. I've lived through it, but made some mistakes even here. The class material is finally starting to prove interesting and I'm finally learning something. It's nice to be doing that. But, I'm at tthe point where I'm ready to quit. Not drop out completely, but transfer. Probably to UWN.

First, UoP class structure. 5 weeks. Week 1 = intro. Weks 2-5 = real work. You usually have one personal assignment and one group assignment per week 2-5.

That's all fine and dandy. However, it means you've got 4ish personal assignments and 2-4 group ones. Miss one, you're not getting an A. Not to mention most profs grade on 10 points. Weekly participation s 2-3 points per week, some other filler for 5 points, and then 10 points per assignment. Generally, these total 100.

Now, some teachers decide to do 1000 total pts (or some other number) instead of 100. Fine and dandy. Except for one problem. If you get -3 on a 100-pt paper, ou've got a 97. Same thing on a 10-pt paper, you've got a C. What're the rules regarding this? None.

That's the issue I'm facing in current class. (Well, one of them.) Again. I've had an instance where a teacher was 3 weeks behind in grading feedback... not a big deal cuz the class was a cakewalk. I've had profs that take 2 outta 10 pts if you don't put the heading the right way, or use exact APA format. Whatever.

The last ... 5-6 classes have all been problematic, save for one (well, even that was indirectly a problem). In one was a religion professor that was so obviously biased, it was offensive. ("If we don't have monotheism, what'd stop us from acting like the Nazis did?"). In my last class, we had to work on a database we were supposed to have made the class before; since the prev prof didn't have us make it, half the class was stuck 5 weeks behind the other half. Counselor's response to my complaint- "It's the teacher's prerogative to teach that way."

I was enjoying and hating this class at same time. The syllabus said we're req'd to do a discussion question from lecture, article summary, weekly summary, and SQL programming exercises each week. Order freak; he has a thread for each thing. Except there's no thread for weekly or article summaries, or the lecture DQ (plenty of other DQs). Even asking up through week 3, never got a response as to what to do.

Whatever, I do as much as he says to for it, have been doing okay. Except my summaries are only 150-200 words instead of 250+; I just can't write bullshit fluff (and last I knew, workplaces were concerned with details, not if the report is at least 6 pages or 10 minutes to present). 1.5 outta 3 points, for each of 4 weeks = bye-bye A. Oh, and B is probably gone because even though I posted all the stuff to the main newsgroup on time, since he wants it both places, I didn't post it to assignments on Monday and got 0 of 8 for a week.

Last week's team assignment is to submit a prototype database for a presentation of full SQL code due end of this week. We submit the tables, and 15-20 records for each table (customer names, inventory, suppliers, tax amounts, etc.). We include a few sample reports... and we get 6 outta 10, because we didn't have enough queries or records for 2 tables. WHAT THE FUCK IS A PROTOTYPE? I didn't see "finished product", nor did I see "a minimum of 10 queries".

Oh yeah, and my personal assignment post fubar'ed, so he said to send him a copy of it again. SSo I emailed it to him. His response was that I needed to post it to school newsgroup, he doesn't accept assignments to email. DON'T FUCKING TELL ME TO SEND A COPY TO YOU THEN!

There's a lot more shit going on, and this is all so fricking petty anyway. You'd think I'd get a little better treatment with $1500 per course being plopped down for it. (This is after a tuition increase because I couldn't take more than 2 weeks between classes to move without an increase in tuition.)


so now I sit in a quandry. I've got about ... 10 courses left til graduation. Do I suffer through it and hope the rest aren't as full of shit as the last 5-7 have been, or do I drop a year's worth when my financial aid runs out in June and transfer back to a real school... and be forced to deal with textbooks I probably can't see?


*sigh* Cheery bimbo... err, my academic counselor... will be giving me a call tomorrow after the email I sent her, so we'll see what she has to say. I've got a headache... but at least I'm not fuming mad and tired enough to get some sleep. Sorry again for any typos (not that many read this or would respond anyway).

"I Read!"

The last book I remember reading is the second or third book in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. I started doing more online and devoting less time to reading, and then sorta lost the option as my vision got worse. I 'read' (listened to) Sun Tzu's Ancient Art of War a year or so ago, but it'd been ages since I read a book.

So, how'd I spend this nice, warm, sunny day (judging by the number of idiot screams and various music filling the air... and the fact the heater hasn't kicked on 5 times an hour)?

I'd gotten bored, and ended up grabbing some e-books. I fiddled with MS' e-book reader, wasn't impressed and couldn't change colors... grabbed some voices to try to listen to it being read, but again, no dice. Eventually came across a converter thatt turned it into html so I could read it in Firefox.

It was Robert Asprin's Myth series that really got me to want to read again, so I started with the first book, Another Fine Myth. Light reading- I forgot how much was dialogue. I started reading, and kept reading... and finished the book up the same day I started it.

Have a giant selection to choose from, and others won't go quite as quickly- but it's a nice feeling to have revisited something from high school days, and pick up on all the old characters (Skeeve, Aahz, Tanda, Gleep, etc.) again. May not be the most exciting news, but it's nice to delve back into reading fiction on my own again... maybe it'll spark the imagination to write something after this class finishes next Monday. I guess we'll see....


(If you don't get the title, check out my Jay Johnson post/link... you'll understand.)

It's that time of year....

Where we celebrate Jesus' return with pretty colored eggs and bunnies! Or something.

Easter brings back some fond memories. My grandpa always made enough eggs for the entire local American Legion chapter for easter- enough to fill a Trojan Rabbit, it semed. Grandpa would have a huge pot where he'd boil a few dozen at a time. I can't remember how many eggs we'd dye each year, but I'd bet it was probably two gross, maybe even more.

It was a fun time... tons of sintky die pellets from those PAAS kits, the cheap coathanger egg dippers, and cartons of eggs in some stage of the coloring process scattered about the entire dining room table. I (and my sister when old enough) were the only ones that ever got to help. Grandma would too, obviously... but she never got to boil the eggs; she always turned the yolks green according to grandpa.

Rest of the holiday, meh, can pass on. Just remember proper rabbit-eating etiquette! Always cut the head off and lay it on the desk, so it can watch you eat the rest of it. When are they gonna come out with the chocolate Jesus'?


(I guess we skipped right past St. Patty's this year. Due to the good timing of the holiday and the planned trip to Kenowhere for a stop at Woodman's and stuff anyway, maybe I'll get a picture of Gerry's St. Patty's Day monster panties. Maybe have somethin' to drink for the Irish heritage... we'll see how the mood hits.)

Dreams

When I am dreaming, I don't know if I'm truly asleep, or if I'm awake;
When I get up, I don't know if I'm truly awake, or if I'm still dreaming....
--Dream (Forest for the Trees)

I dunno what's been going on lately, but my dreams have been getting more and more vivid and emotional. I've always had very vivid dreams and (big surprise given my nature) a lot are sexual. Some I remember, and some I don't... depends on how I wake up, mostly.

I've woken up from them before, too. I remember being scared in a few. One in particular had me on a bus that was driving down a very steep, very tall road (a la the waterpark giant slide / drop)... and I woke up from the butterflies in my stomach That was shortly after moving in here.

These kinds of dreams are happening more often of late, though, and becoming more emotional. I had a dream w/ a fight involving my mom last week, and woke up almost shaking, heart racing, seeing red, etc. I knew it was just from the dream, but could still feel my body's reaction to it.

This morning, I had another one. I was letting my dog go out for a walk, and he ran ahead. He ended up being attacked and killed by two giant dogs, that also went after me. I felt the adrenaline rush, and felt myself crying. I didn't wake up crying, but felt the adrenaline and heart-wrenching pain I'd felt in the dream.


So, something's going on and leaving me in more turmoil than usual, I guess?

MMO's & me.

I've been around on the 'net a long time. MMOs, as they are today, weren't even around when I started. The closest were the few basic graphical MUDs on AOL, CServe, etc.

I don't even remember when my MUDding career began. (For the new-to-the-net folks, MUDs are like graphical MMORPGs, but in text instead.) It was some point in the early 90's. I started on Northern Ligts, an Aber. Aber-type MUDs are quest-oriented. Similar to an MMO, you have preprogrammed zones with certain quests. Kill a lich and demon to save a dying forest, etc. It was more puzzle/detail based; to get to the demon, for example, you had to find a diamond and put it in a certain pedestal with a diamond-shaped hole. Once you got past it, you'd have another clue that you'd have to drop it in order to get further on, etc.

My tastes didn't stop there. I liked Diku/Circle/Merc/etc. too- hack and slash, usually. All sorts of varieties... all text... and all free.


The first MMO I was a real part of was Earth & Beyond. I helped beta-test it, from the early beginnings (their first stress test had something like 1000-5000 players, who all got a t-shirt). I liked it, it was interesting... kinda like Wing Commander/Privateer but in MMO form.

I couldn't justify the $15/mo though, having spent several years paying nothing for enjoyment of MUDs for free. So, I played it until beta was done, and went on my way.

I swiped a copy of Dark Age of Camelot from work, tried it, and was thoroughly unimpressed. Didn't make it through the free trial.

I beta-tested a few other MMOs, but nothing much caught my eye until Auto Assault. It was a mix of the freedom of E&B, with automotive mayhem (like Twisted Metal, etc). Again, early(ish) beta tester. Took some deciding, but eventually convinced myself that $60 + $15/mo was worth it, and pre-ordered. Bought a 6-month subscription off the ba when it went live.

I justified the $15/mo as a cost I could handle, since I din't go to movies, didn't buy games, etc., that often. It was cheaper, like usual, with the multi-month plans (I think $12/mo?). I had a lot of fun- even took 2nd place in a tourney (1st won a trip to E3, but we got to fight the devs on the big-screens remotely), made some friends, etc.

As time went on, though, I realized why I'm not a MMO player. 'Casual' and 'MMO' don't belong next to each other. First, some more back-story:


It started with the E3 Tourney. When we placed in the E3 tourney, we didn't know it. We'd thought we'd lost, so we went to blow off steam by killin' stuff and leveling. After some confusion with placement, we found out we were able to paly at E3, but because the tourney was for level 30 chars only, we needed to get new characters up to that level. We had a week and a half or so to do it, and the trip wasn't the easiest. It became a chore, not fun as before. We did make it (with some effort, convincing words from one of the NCSoft devs, and a little bit of 'resource mismanagement'), and had fun in the tourney... but the four of us took a break afterwards. (And thus the path starts....)

When I returned to the game, as my mid-30s main char, I went back to my usual playing style. It was fun again... joined and was pretty involved in a clan, felt like I was getting somewhere, etc. Saw the end-game in sight after a few months, and eventually made it w/ help from friends.

That's where things started to turn even more. I was doing a good bit of PVM in the non-PVP section of Ground Zero (there's two instances, pick PVP or non-PVP instance). I'd get bored and hop on in the mornings and do some light PVP. I was a support class, so I'd suck in PVP on my own, but the realization became more nad more apparent. I'm at month 4 or so, and there've been people at 80 for 3 months... and living the game 24/7 for those 3 months. Even as the strongest of 3 factions, I wasn't much in the way of opposition. I didn't have the time invested to get the best items/stats; I didn't want to invest that kind of time.

As things went on, a few more updates came in. Therein lies the biggest problem. The game, like most MMOs, was full of min/max'ers, who were pretty vocal on the boards and the ones always sitting on the game 24/7. Changes went in that affected PVP, especially towards balancing these players; however, these same skills are the same things used in PVM... so, nerfs come in and new things get added for PVP/PVM challenges for the hardcore players. Casual gamers, like myself, are left in the dust.

I cancelled my sub after the 6-month stint. I resub'ed for a month now, but the few months I was away made the gap even bigger. I enjoyed myself again, as a distraction from the MUD I admin... but I don't foresee me going back to MMOs any time soon. Such a shame- great concepts, great interaction... but things get topheavy, and it hurts everyone else.

I am Geek, hear me ... type.

This past week, I installed SuSE on my PC. NWN crashed a few times last week, and it was more than a bit annoying, so I fig'd I'd give it a shot w/ the Unix client. Plus, I'd tried it a few times before and it worked decently, but had some compatibility issues with other hardware/software (I think last time I tried it was on my old Dell).

Have had it up and running a few days now. Got the most important things done; got a MUD client running (had to compile it myself to get it to cooperate), got sound/visual themes cooperating, and set up a shared drive so that I can have my Firefox/Thunderbird/etc. profiles shared between Windows and Unix. I also had some other smaller triumphs (getting sound to work in Gaim, for example), that overall made it a good day. Plus, I even got my homework done before Monday, so more time to fiddle with this thing.

It's amazing what these little triumphs can bring. Gods, I'm such a geek! (Ok, here's my sign....)

On being a smartass...

I've been asked why I don't do comedy before. I'm a smartass, and due to my generally quiet nature, can floor people with a quiet comment from nowhere. I'm quirky anyway, and generally like to make people laugh.

I salute those that can come up with enough stuff to do a 45-minute (or however long) show. I've got a particular niche for comedians (a la MicroSerfs, Comedians & Their Routines would certainly be one of my Jeopardy categories) in my brain, but I couldn't do it myself.

There's different types of comedians- prop/ventriloquist, angry/grizzled, redneck, etc.- all sorts of different types. My only drawback (okay, well two) are my geekish nature, and the problem that mine comes in sarcasm... especially reflective sarcasm. I know it's not impossible- I think Bill Engvall pulls it off well w/ his Here's Your Sign bit... but I just can't seem to muster it up.

Why is it even an issue? I don't know. It's yet another creative outlet that I don't think I'll be able to master. It'd be nice to find that niche, somewhere... be it in writing, comedy, or some other as-of-yet undiscovered talent. Call it Hiro Syndrome, or something... but who doesn't want to be someone larger than life?

(And damn Steve for getting me hooked on that show.)

"I like snow! It's so pretty!"

Anyone who utters these words can quickly be identified as someone from the South or a different part of the world altogether. Certainly not someone from the Midwest.

If you like it, feel free to deal with it yourself. You can take all the snow we have here. Grab a shovel and have at it. Don't mind the rain coming down on top of it, making it even heavier, along with the water underneath from the other stuff melting from last night.

Or maybe you'd rather shovel in -30F temps, like the last time it snowed. (Okay, only -10, but wind chill made if teel like -30.)

There's a large Wisconsinite population in Phoenix, according to a Suns basketball announcer a week or few ago. Larger turnouts at Green Bay football games. We've even met someone buying $60+ of Usinger's sausage to bring back on their flight home to Phoenix.

So, our plan to move to the Phoenix area ain't the most original. I've got two words for anyone that bitches about it: Eighty fucking degrees.

Threes.

Three seems to be a big deal for me. Big 'bigger' relationships have lasted threeish years... or t least that's what I remember, since it's been a while for a few of them. Whether it's one stint (lie w/ Jami or Jess) or in a few tries (3 different tries w/ Kritter), that seems to be the extent of it. Three live-in relationships, too- substitute Kritter with Christine.

What happens? Three comes into play there too- a third person involved in some fashion or another. (Beyond just 'meddling'... on my end, the other end, or both.) When I think about it more, it does suck... for both sides in all cases/ Whatever doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger, I suppose... but that doesn't mean there can be no regrets, either.


Hopefully three changes its stance in my life. It's my third time outta the house, and things are going well, other than financial woes. My third try at college is nearing completion, though I've had three major issues with the school.

So, here's to hoping. Maybe my third app at different companies will yield some positive results. We'll three how things go....

Jay Johnson

I finally found his website, and, more importantly to me, a clip of him & Darwin. I love his bit with Darwin ("Hand off heiney!"), and he's a great ventriloquist. I don't think he moves his mouth as much as Jeff Dunham does, for example.

Either way, it's great to find video of him; I last remember seeing him way back when Comedy Central was still The Comedy Channel. Too bad I couldn't make it out to see his show.

More info on him is available here.

Movies & me

Not sure how coherent this'll be... screaming headache after sleeping for crap last night. Anyhoo...

Picked up Clerks 2 Saturday. Had watched it a week or few ago through Blockbuster Online, and had some Reward Zone certificates I wanted to use up, so that and a Skype phone were my two purchases.

Clerks was funny because it hit home, espec for anyone in a shit job. It wasn't quite like the pain of Napoleon Dynamite (knowing, or being, someone like him in school), but it had a special connection.

This time it was different. I find it kinda sad that so much of one's life can be reflected in a comedy, and moreso that I even think about it when watching it, as much as enjoying the film. But, it makes me think about my place in life. I'm certainly not trying to follow the status quo, but life overall is just a bland misadventure. (I can say thank the gods for no donkey show yet, though.)

Watching the documentary got to me, too; especially the part about the Cannes film festival and the 7- or 8-minute standing ovation after the screening of the movie. I think everyone deserves to feel that good at some point in their life... and far too few people get it. I've come ... close, or closer than some, but definitely nothing like that... and I wish I could.

Of course, like any other time I've comented on it, I don't do anything about it. This blog is my creative outlet, so it's something... but there's still a long way to go. Maybe one day I'll get those 15 minutes of fame....


For now, though, I just get to suck up this headache and go outside and shovel. Whee! Think it'll be back to bed after that.

"360 or me!"

Thisforum post at GameSpot came up on Digg this morning. The girlfriend of a gamer is tired of him psending all his time on the XBox 360 and gave him the ultimatum, pick her or it.

Lots of opinions in the discussion. Wading past the 'ooh, pussy!' and 'ooh, 360!' crowds, leads to a devlopment that a lot of geeks eventually face... balance.

There's issues on both sides here. The original post says this guy thinks of games while making out with her, etc. I'm really hoping that's a joke. I understand an addiction (ask me to completely stop playing Aard or the few weeks surrounding the AutoAssault E3 tourney (2nd, w00t!))... but c'mon. There is life past video games... right?

On the other hand, maybe it's her. It's like asking me to not use the computer at all, or friends giving up reading or RPGs. There's some stuff that's an intricate part of peoples' lives... and while I'd consider most more 'beneficial' than video games, it's still a part of who that person is.


Maybe I've just been lucky. Girlfriends have been at least semi-geeky, some joining in or more addicted to certain gaming than I. We all have our hobbies, but we all have someone out there that can accept us for who we are... whether our issue is weight, gaming, perversion, or whatever.

I stopped reading the forum responses (and the Digg comments- basically the same, though a slightly more mature audience) out of fear for what the future brings from that band of 'hopefuls' *cough*. I suppose that'll be dealt with when the time comes.


...Hey, did I mention I just found out I share a birthday with Barack Obama? (Not that it means anything....) Happy Bad Luck day!

Why am I not surprised?

Sat through all 10 hours of the 07 Stand-Up Showdown on Conedy Central. That equates toa about 75 Lisa Lamapnelli commercials (between end-of-show ads and full-sized commercials), 20 Sarah Silverman Show commercials, 10 Verizon commercials, 5 commercials for whatever the new diet drug fad is (amazingly low!)... and all for what?

#1 is Dane Cook. I guessed this before it even started, so I shouldn't be too upset, though. Some movie deals, bunch of stuff on Nickelodeon, and whatever else, and now he's this 'visionary' comedian. Pfft. Not even all that funny. Maybe about ... 5 years ago, when it was original, but it's been the same act forever now. Gimme Lewis Black, Bill Hicks, or Denis Leary for an angry comedian anyway.

Then again, that wasn't the only BS involved. Rocky LaPorte #2... ("Who?" Exactly.) Decent, but nothing special. The uncle bit is good, tho. Jim Gaffigan #3... fuck no. Most, tho, weren't a big surprise- some faves, like Mitch Hedberg, Frank Caliendo, the Don (Rich Vos for those who didn't watch the Last Comic Standing series while it was a good series), and The Amazing Jonathan were on the top 20. So, it wasn't all bad. Plus, even found some new stuff, like Steve Byrne. A few were missing, too. Toss John Pinette in there somewhere, and swap out Dimitri Martin (how's he suddenly a big shot to Comedy Central?) with Zach Galifianakis.

I'd love to see the results from other comedians. Comedy Central did the 100 Greatest Comedians of All Time, but I'd like to see a list that wasn't a high-school popularity contest. I'm surprised Larry the Cable Guy didn't make it in with the evident lack of voter mentality. (I don't know if he has a separate CC Presents special, though... that's probably it.)

Reminds me of why I don't watch TV any more, though. Oh well, tomorrow will be quiet. I'll go back to watching Futurama or re-watch Avatar or something to restore my faith in the creative genius of some people.

Anticipation.

Sweaty palms. Heart beating a mile a minute. Staring at the clock, then loking back. Nervous twitching. Another clock check. Repeat. Check with friends, worry at a negative response. Fidget nervously some more. And then, finally.... salvation!

Waiting for your first date to arive? No. Job interview? Worse! You're all outta whack, because.... your favorite website (or game, other net addiction) is down!

It's funny how some people crawl outta the woodwork to see what's up when something isn't working. Things like, "I'll actually get stuff done today," and even just a hi, that you'd never see otherwise. All to what end? Feed that addiction.

What's worse, is how many of us offer comments like, 'Gee, I don't have this in my life right now. I can do this, and this, and that, and that.'... yet we really don't. What happens? Half the day is spent checking to make sure that adiction is gonna be back up. And when it finally is, you're behind! Not only is there catching up on everything not-so-important that you normally do, but now you've been inconvenienced enough you have to complain about it too!

I'll admit I'm equally guilty. The whole thing came about because of CT today, which I "don't go to any more". (I still check it, but I'm not participating... a la MySpace.) It made me think so much of Aardwolf, too. 25% of my day is probably spent looking at the screen, checking boards, who's on, etc. 50% is in another window and flipping back to chat, note, etc. The last 25% is actually working. (Yeah, tough job.)

Yet somehow, being without Aard, or whatever the addiction may be, makes the day impossible to live through. Can't get that fill of blank-stare-at-sreen time, I guess?

Oh well. I'm off to see if I can find a way to inject text directly into my bloodstream....

Bouncy bouncy bouncy...

Milestones used to be things like 18th birthday, 21st birthday, etc. Nowadays, it's the changing of scenery in the virtual world- moving from one social network to another, to another.

I'm scared to try to even think up my entire history of where I've moved my 'main haunt' on the web, considering I've been actively here since 1994, and in a limited form for about 5 years before that.

IRC was a big stint. So was Sugar's Place, a BBW chatroom/sex site (which is back, in a different format now). More recently, 1Up had a 'personal' area including blog, so I was there for a while. Then MySpace. Most recently, LostCherry (err, CherryTap... whatever).

Everything has its time in the spotlight... and that spotlight starts to fade, sometimes faster than others. I remember the staying power of IRC and Sugar's. (Oh, and Aardwolf, the biggest time-waster of the past 10ish years, but it's still got some magic left.) !Up got too slow and was generally filled with idiot kids that were born after the NES came out. MySpace- four words: 'Sorry... an unexpected error...". And now CherryTap. CT friends will know what went on there. (The story's really not all that interesting, but it's enough to have driven me away with a relatively sour taste in my mouth.)


So, here I am. I don't know if I'll try to change things up a bit w/ the layout, how often I'll post, or anything like that... but hopefully people will keep in touch, while I'm here, and once I move on to the next major milestone in my Internet (lack of) life.

And away we go.

First post, whoopee. Of course, I had an old account here and lost it. Well, we'll see where this goes now.