Mar 29, 2007

The Darkness that lies within....

I woke up feeling crappy this morning, mentally and physically. I was telling at myself not to cop out and go to sleep, but with PC problems limiting what I can do on here, I didn't have many other options. I ate a pop-tart to quell my twittering stomach, waited to see if it'd help, and then laid down when it didn't.

I know sugar always makes my dreams weird, but mood played more impact on this one (or something). I've lost the part of the dream prior to being in a certain place. A group of friends was already at this location, and I showed up in wait for another one, which arrivced shortly.

Then he showed up. This evil has been a part of my dreams before, because I recognized him right away. (Shooting one of my friends in the face and threatening to shoot naother kinda gave away the hint he was evil too, but I knew it even prior, thanks to the fun omniscient 3rd-person view.)

I could feel the raw hatred for this guy, and I'd had enough in my dream. Nobody else noticed what had gone on until I decided to take action. This guy has always had a smug smile on his face as I take out my hatred on him, and this time was no exception. I'm talking real hatred, too- seeing red, and wanting to destroy him; I felt the pleasure of feeling my fingernails gouge into his eyes, forcing his mouth open and biting off chunks of his cheek (and then spitting in the blood pile), and generally destroying him. He sat there with a smug grin the entire time and nothing phased him, and that pissed me off even more.

As punishment for screwing with him, I was sent into a labyrinth where I could see my friends held hostage, but couldn't get to them. Other things came into play here (Aardwolf- dumping mobprogram code to see what the enemy I was fighting was gonna do), etc. I woke up shortly after, with no resolution, but the images of what'd happened still haunting me.

What inner demons am I fighting off here? The rage reminds me of the feeligns I had in middle school towards a bully that was picking on me. I showed him I didn't care by kicking him (poorly- I was a twig back then) and then letting him kick my ass (literally) to show I didn't are what he did. He stopped after that, but I know I've felt animosity towards him now, 15+ years later. It' s not him in the dreams, but the two look familiar.

Maybe there's something worse going on somewhere down there... but whateer it is, I'd like to know and get rid of it. At least the reasons for the nap in the first place (depression, physically quirky) are gone....

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