This day and history....

Today was a good day in some ways, but not in others.

Overall, it was good. I had fun playing Aardwolf again, which I haven't done for a month or more. I spent a good portion of the day talking /flirting with an old friend. Got some stuff done admin-wise on the game, too, and listened to the weekly radio broadcast.

I spent basically the entire day here, not doing much... and it was fun. I kick myself for it now, though- while I stayed up all day (which I need to start doing more often), I could've done something productive. Haven't done enough of that lately (except Saturday w/ schoolwork). I did break down our mountain of cardboard next to the fridge- it was stacked higher than the top of the freezer. Compressed it down to two pizza boxes and a big Ritz box worth of cardboard. So, I guess I DID do something useful today.

I think I've gotten most of my gaming outta my system now, though. So, unless there's bad storms in the morning (had some tonight and more forecast for tomorrow at some point), I'm gonna work on that prologue.

I seem to be 'at home' with writing about gods. Pantheons in pretty much any book idea, etc., that I (or my friends, as in this case) create are usually personified, and often based around us. That's where my nickname came from, for that matter- Tymme was my name for myself in a story I was writing. My friend took it and used it as the god of Time (each of us were a particular god in what was called the Circle of Light). That's where I got the symbol of the hourglass and the theme of the chronomancer from; it's even my first tattoo (the pic above, though needs touching up/finishing yet).

Now that I've gotten everything outta my system for fun and laziness, I'm gonna give wirting a try again tomorrow. I've had ideas for that story for a while, just distracted myself with the other stories, other people, or whatever.

Make sure to yell at me if you see me making too many comments like today, or just laugh if they're inappropriate ones... hehee. (Not that I'd EVER do that- nope, not me....)

Eyes are sore, butt's tired from bein' in the chair all day... so I'm off to bed 'til tomorrow.


(Aww, crap, I just remembered Heroes- we didn't watch it tonight cuz they were breaking in every 5 mins with severe storm warnings. I'll try to resist temptation on that 'til after I write....)

Bloddiction.

Today's new word of the day. *snicker*

I've gone through several phases in Internet life, espec since I've been around here since the mid 90's (92 or so was my first intro to newsgroups, and was on a school shell account by 1995). I can't remember all of them, but up until recently, I was on places like LostCherry, MySpace, AnyWebCam, and 1Up. (Yeah, for the most part, I'm a perv. Always have been. I just know how to mix in other stuff with it.)

Seems things have shifted again- this is my new addiction. Though I subscribe to the feeds of fellow bloggers (thanks Tiff for finding me thru Kat, heh), I'm still checking my blog & the expanding circle from there. Not that it's a bad thing at all. *grin*

Writing every day is certainly helping. The fact there's nothing bad going on ATM does wonders, too... but in general, I do notice a bit more creativity. I'm happy with that.

Feedback is great- it's always nice hearing that things aren't as bad as I thought. The perv in me gets an extra giggle/grin/twitch/whatever outta the various comments about the erotic stories, too... double bonus!)

There's probably a point in here, but if nothing else, it's at least a way to say thanks for the feedback, glad to be seeing some responses & glad to be spending my day checking for the newest comments/tags/etc. from/to everyone. :)

Weekends, yae!

Nothing too special for the weekend, really.

Friday was fun; gf had a short day and we went to the Humane Society after the weekly grocery shopping. We almost went home with a dog, though we couldn't decide between two- one was a Chipoo (chihuahua-poodle)... looked like David Bowie. Very shy- it took about an hour before he finally sarted getting close to us and let me pet him. He perked up when the second counselor joined us, since she was the one that did his review when he came into the shelter, so he knew her. Eventually he did warm up to us some... but we weren't sure... especially since he wasn't potty-trained and I wasn't quite as impressed. Not a big deal, but I was gonna be the one training him / with him a lot more than the gf was.

The second dog we saw was Ostara, a Husky mix. She was the opposite- wayyyy friendly, lots of kisses, etc. A little too hyper I think, though if we'd had a way to get her home (since we couldn't do it via bus), we might've. An older couple was looking at her when we left, and judging by the Humane Society website, she's been adopted.

Yesterday was just a lazy day overall... I don't remember doing anything of real importance. Schoolwork, but that's it; otherwise just a rest-up day. Today we cleaned some, watched the NASCAR race, then grilled out for dinner (grilled chicken breasts for later this week, and corn & pork chops for dinner).

Overall, a nice weekend. Gonna see about writing something other than an erotic story tomorrow, maybe finally work on that other idea. 'Course, all depends on moods... libido of late comes & goes, and that determines my mood for writing and what to write.

We'll see.....

Tagged....

I guess I'll bite for these, they can be fun at times. Plus, though I like writing, I don't really care for most recent post to be an erotic story. Odd way to greet newcomers.

A - Available/Single? In a relationship, though somewhat open
B - Best Friend? Dan/Steve
C - Cake or Pie? Cake (unless it's French Silk pie)
D - Drink Of Choice? Sprecher's Orange Dream
E - Essential Item You Use Everyday? My PC
F - Favorite Color? Aquamarine
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms? Worms
H - Hometown? Kenowhere
I - Indulgence? Hmmm... nothing really (at the moment)
J - January Or February? Neither, too cold
K - Kids & Their Names? No kids
L - Life Is Incomplete Without? Recognition
M - Marriage Date? Never married
N - Number Of Siblings? One sister, one stepbrother
O - Oranges Or Apples? Oranges
P - Phobias/Fears? Flying, and mushrooms
Q - Favorite Quote? "I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who respect it."
R - Reason to Smile- when I'm trying to act innocent
S - Season? Spring or Summer
T - Tag Five People? (Ugh, I hate this part...) Jess, Lizzy, Steve, Viki, Viviane
U - Unknown Fact About Me? Half my relationships have been w/ older women (2-20+ yrs)
V - Vegetable you don’t like? Eggplant
W - Worst Habit? Twisting my hair
X - X-rays You’ve Had? Head (often), knee, foot
Y - Your Favorite Food? Biscuits & Gravy
Z - Zodiac Sign? Leo

Ding, fries are done.

(Edit: Didn't realize they finally closed off my RoadRunner account. I haven't had it for ... 3 years now, but have still had FTP/web access. Moved everything to a new server, so the story links should work fine now.)


Finished up that story this morning. It's on the stories list now- 'Double Jump'. (Sorry for shifting stuff around again, trying to figure out which way makes the most sense.)

I'm not as impressed with it as my first one (Morning Would), but I don't think it's horrible, and as the saying goes, you're your own worst critic. Plus it's harder to convey the felings when it's imagined with someone where you know the feelings, etc., vs. making all of it up as you go.

Click here to read it in a new window, or find it in my sidebar under Stories.

I realized during writing this, that it's not hard to find me on the Web; 'Where Tymme Stands Still' is a common pun I use. It's been the name of most of my blogs/homepages, and my immortal rooms on the games I play. Not sure what people (besides the few I know and willingly share with) would think.

Oh well, who cares, it's a story! I can finally add the 'story' tag now- hopefully more to come in the near future. :)

Supplies!

...and stuff. (I dunno where that came from....)

I managed to get some of the erotic story written tonight. A bit of 'inspiration' for mood from some of the blogs I was reading helped my mood (along with a few random thoughts), and so I figured I'd just work on what I had. Had to break for food (was hungry as well), but scrapped part of the story I was working on and patched it back up. I stopped when the gf got home- still don't feel comfortable with writing around her, espec erotic stuff- but it's at least getting somewhere.

Might be opening the floodgates too; I've got ideas for the other non-erotic story too. That one will be a bit harder because I'd like to use Steve's creations (names, etc.) but I don't think I remember all of them. Maybe I've still got notes somewhere... but if not, I can try making some of it up myself, I suppose.

Either way, I hope to have a new story link as of tomorrow.. stay tuned. :P

Personality stuff

GF stayed home sick today. We ended up sleeping til 9:30 or so (nice vs usual 5:30), but it's thrown my day outta whack.

NWN was fun, though a bit frustrating. The module we're playing now is for epic-level characters, and we're facing epic-level problems. Eventually, big bad tough monsters aren't a problem, so you have to give new challenges. In our case, two party members have ooze zombie plague (after resting a few times, they'll turn into a zombie), and my character has lycanthropy (eventually turning into a wererat). We can't cure it via normal spells, and Bob logged in as DM to 'cheat' it off of us, and couldn't do that either. We eventually found where we were supposed to go, and got stuff for a cure, but this was after an hour of figuring out what to do about it and abandoning our current adventure to go back to town to figure it out. We were a little frustrated; though it's fun as far as role-playing goes, when you just want some decent hack-n-slash, it gets frustrating. Unfortunately, at our level, there's not many options for modules... so this was our main choice.


Since I was bored, and wandering about various blogs today, I decided to take a personality test off one, which gave my Jung score and Enneagram results (the latter of which I'd never done).

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 50% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 53% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||| 56% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||| 53% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 53% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||| 33% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 43% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||| 60% Your main type is 5 Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

The Jung test was a slight change, INTP instead of INFP; it varies based on my answers it seems. Questions are too vague and circumstantial anyway... how I feel at work is wholly different than at home/with friends, and I can't say which is the "real" me. Interesting nonetheless, especially after learning more about Jung, Myers-Briggs, etc. in my Intro to Psych class earlier this year.


No writing today. Not sure if mood's there, but the same 'cloud' hangs around, and thoough I haven't been bugged since I started writing this blog, don't need/want comments and links tossed at mewhile trying to get my vision across. Short day tomorrow but nothing planned; we'll see about then.

Empathy

I've noticed I've been more empathic/sympathetic the past few days. My mood's been swinging around, but mostly depressed over friends' issues- being alone, etc. Today I've got a sympathy headache (or just a regular headache from not enough coffee, can't tell). I suppose it could be worse; at least it's not PMS cramps or something, heh.

My creativity just isn't there lately. I had found a little reserve this morning, which I used to touch up some help files on Aardwolf; I think that's less creativity and more technical writing, though. Tonight is NWN night, which (provided I play) should help w/ my mood and my creativity, though it also means being lonely tomorrow morning and possibly distracted by new Mythbusters, and likely tired if NWN runs past 11:30 or so like it usually does.

So, though I've felt this way since my last post, I figured I'd actually write today to get more writing of SOME sort done. There's a book that recommends a schedule, one hour a day at a specific time. I could probably contribute that during the week, but the weekends and lack of sleep affect how well I'd be able to do so.

Of course, if I spent as much time focusing on the few ideas I do have as whining about not having any, heh....

So, I'll tell myself yet again, let's see what happens tomorrow. I won't even check out Mythbusters (if it's new) 'til after I try to write. Off to get laundry & dinner before gaming starts.

Things that make ya go, "Hmm".

I removed my 'notes' post, the dream is lost. The girl isn't, because there was strong emotion there (sensual, but not really sexual), so I haven't forgotten her... but the details around the rest of the dream/etc are gone now. I can't put back toghether what else was going on, which leaves an important detail of the story/memory missing.


I did do some writing this morning. This story, though, is like the last story I started but didn't finish:

As said before, I have 'visions' of what to write; I see the scene and can write it down. That's the case with the past stories I've written, erotic or otherwise.

The two that I've stumbled on, though- this one and one other- are different. The people I'm thinking of aren't just random people or friends or completely made up; instead, they're two former girlfriends. I think there's a mental roadblock with whether I should still have these feelings and whether I'm comfortable with writing them out in public stories for all (particularly current gf) to read. I know she doesn't mind, but given the way things have gone in the past (relationships with both the girls in these stories ended because of me looking for/thinking of someone else), I'm more worried about my own thoughts on it I guess.

(Plus, I couldn't think straight, my mind was as/more focused on the mood the story was creating, as writing the story itself, heh.)


So, I'll put that on back-burner and try again later.

I keep getting brief flashes of an idea for a fantasy story, but they disappear before I can grasp them and understand what they're supposed to be. It's a fantasy setting at least; it might be from something I've done/seen/etc. before, or it might be an actual idea. Until I can get a grasp on it, though, I'm left in befuddlement and try not to think about it too much. I'll let it bubble to the surface when it's ready to be coherent.

I'm not feeling the hottest today (think brats may have been slightly undercooked Sat night), so my focus isn't 100%, either. since we're in the living room, we will be able to watch Heroes tonight, which gives me time to write tomorrow (body permitting). Think I'll try a rewrite of a scene/prologue I'd been asked to write before; the ideas for that haven't gone away.

Meh.

I don't remember much other than the girl from my previous post, not enough to write about. Don't remember the situation any more, etc.

Today's another 'ok, now what?' days. Still desire to be creative, and still have no outlet. Other than a few small things, the living room is basically set as-is. Bought a HD tuner for my TV for watching stuff (Heroes tomorrow, w00t!), want to eventually find a new stand and move it. Once I do that, I can hook up the HT system. Until then, tho, there's no point in trying to put it up now.

I've got plenty of entertainment at my disposal- Civ 4, NWN, Oblivion, Aard, Dungeon Runners, and more... and nothing is entertaining me.

I'm writing more often, even if it's nothing of value, just to get into the habit of writing more. I know that's one of the things you're supposed to do when trying to write. I don't think there's a problem with being able to write... it's just a matter of what to write about. Just like it's a matter of figuring out what to do.

I might not consider myself in a 'creative' mood, as much as a 'tinkering' mood. Take something apart, find out what makes it tick, etc. Maybe something lik Legos might help. I dunno. There's construction sets for Oblivion and NWN to make something of my own, but I don't think that's the way I wanna go atm either.


I'm sure the constant complaints about being non-creative are boring and annoying too. My life is generally boring/annoying in that there's not much going on. I might hear more soon from DVR, which would be a nice change... but otherwise, I'm not left with many options here... sorry everyone has to hear about it continuously.

The birght yellow thing.

Bright lights, they burnses us! Or, at least they kinda did yesterday.

Productive day overall. Walked to Pick n Save (just a few blocks over) to get bus tickets, then took the bus and met Kacy at the daycare for lunch. She had a two-hour break, so we walked over to Bella's for lunch (mmm, burrrger... mmm, thicklicks... equivalent of a DQ Blizzard). I walked home from there when she went back to work.

Was probably a few miles' worth of walking, all told. The sun was out in full force, and the napkin I got at Bella's showed that when I got home- nice and destroyed. It was the first real sunlight I'd been exposed to (for an extended period of time) for a while, and it sucked. (Being very light-sensitive sucks, boys n girls.) But, it was 60ish degrees, felt nice (I left my jacket w/ Kacy cuz it was too warm for it) and was nice to be out walking.

We're back out in the living room now.... at least the essentials are set up. The bookcases weren't positioned right, so we have to take down both now rather than just the smaller, easier one I did yesterday. Once we do that and move them, though, we'll have things set up where only my PC desk and the couch/table need to be moved to be in the dining room for winter.

(This is all provided we're still here. If things go well w/ interviews, jobs, school, etc., I'd love to already be looking at or living in AZ/FL/etc.)


Off to shower; gonna talk w/ my uncle about a tech support deal and work on the living room today. Productivity is fun!!

It's something at least....

Unfortunately, it's not writing. That's still bugging me. I haven't had much for inspiration of late, nothing sparking my imagination. I think I have a poem I'm about ready to write, but not 100% yet. Short story ideeas are all poof, nothing for creativity. I'd hoped Neverwinter Nights or Oblivion or something would spark my moods to write, since I can feel some fantasy story in there... but no dice yet.

I'm at least writing here, trying to do so regularly, to at least get something written down more often than once a month/year/whatever like I used to do. It's mundane stuff for the most part, but it's better than nothing I guess.


Tomorrow is an exercise in creativity, though in a different medium... moving back out into the living room. We got this place because it's bigger (it's probably bigger than my mom's house)... which is all fine and dandy, but it's an old, uninsulated house. Our heat bills were hitting $150-$200/month, which was more than we could handle. Energy Assistance programs sorta helped, by paying a month's worth ($120ish) and that's it.

So, we put up an old blanket across the archway between the living and dining room and moved into the dining room. It's more cramped, but livable, and it meant the heat was turning on every 20 mins rather than every 10 when it was really cold out (and that's with thermostat at 62, brr). Now that it's finally warming up in general (minus the where-the-hell-did-THAT-come-from snowstorm last Monday), we're moving back out there. Unlike moving in here, though, we're not moving the bookcases- too much to take down and put back up. So, we're rearranging around it.

I kinda wanna move the TV too... it's in a corner on a diagonal, which is okay, but makes it hard to get good positions for my surround sound speakers that I want to hook up (now that I have room, and provided they stil work- haven't tested since moving here or at the last apartment, so about 1.5 years ago). There's not a lot of choices for setup, though, so it might stay where it's at.

The nice thing (and I'm shocked for saying it) is that I'll be back out where there's more light. The only time there's a lot of light in here is closer to noon, but then the sun's shining in and I have to close the blinds cuz it goes right across my monitor or behind/in front of it on my desk so I can't see.

I'm not gonna do anything too drstic, like start going outside for the hell of it. :P But, it's at least something a little nicer overall... and it's been fun moving stuff around. Plus, toss in the surround system, get my xbox modded like I want or run stuff from my PC (or both), and it can be a lot more enjoyable out there.

We'll see where things go. Think I'll go be constructive and do homework.

w00t.

My meeting w/ my DVR counselor was today, and I'm happy I went. I know there's gonna be stuff I won't enjoy in the process here, but I'm looking forward to a lot of help the DVR has.

I'll be going out to a center for the blind/visually handicapped for an assessment, to see what they can suggest for tools for me. Mobility, etc., training will help, and it sounds like there's a lot of options that they have that I prob haven't even thought of. It'll be interesting to see what happens there.

There's also a program through Goodwill that works with handicapped individuals and the I/T field, which I'm really interested in. It basically provides networking services via monthly meetings, as well as an I/T worker already in a company (bigger companies like Northwestern Mutual, etc.) to help me towards getting a job. Because you have to be in school as part of the program requirements, there's extra stuff there too, like scholarships.

I know I'm not gonna enjoy some of what's due in my future, but OTOH, some of this stuff sounds like it'll help immensely. Big smiles today! Now, to keep myself from taking a nap today so I can go to bed early... hopefully I can break the napping habit quickly enough... especially if I get a job! *hophop*

Scribble, scribble.

Nothing new yet. Ideas floatingaround, but nothing in cement. I foudn another story I'd started, that I might try to continue on... though I don't remember any of it. There's another half-finished erotic story and another erotic story idea bouncing around that I can finish at some point too.

Thunder/etc. today, though, so at least for now, I'm not gonna write anything. DVR appointment tomorrow, so likely not then, either. But, I will write something soon.


In the meantime, I've linked some of the stories/poems I've written and saved; they're added to the right-hand column down at the bottom... oddly enough, under 'Stories'. Whodathunkit?! I'm also gonna go back and tag a few stories as writing-related, mostly for the future though.

Vision vs creativity, et al.

I was thinkg about art tonight, after watching Pleasantville and the bous features about the artwork, etc. involved.

I used to draw. I wasn't the best at it, but i could mimic others' work. That's gone down the tubes w/ vision loss. I can't see anything in pencil for outlines, etc; it'd be too dark to do a rough sketch and then flesh it out.

But, I thought about art in general. I'm not creative. I'm logical. I have a way with words, but I need the vision to be there to relay it. No image, nothing there. That's why I never start stories- I never have an idea from start to finish. The story I wrote for my Creative Writing class started with a vision. I think it's easy to tell where I lost it and stumbled around for a conclusion.

Thankfully, a few ideas are brewing around just under the surface. I think I'll pick at them a little and see what comes up next week.

Lack of vision.

My vision sucks. (For the few that read my blog and don't know, I'm blind in my right eye since shortly after birth, and the vision in my left eye is deteriorating, probably 20/300 or so now.) Thankfully, computers nowadays help out with a lot of these issues. Since I'm so light-sensitive, I use white-on-black colors (like I should have set up here in my blog) for just about everything.

It seems Windows Vista has taken this a step further. Though I have things set up as white-on-black, it seems to override some of my other desired settings, such as checking out the colors and layouts of pages in Internet Explorer. Tried removing the overrides, no dice.

On the other hand, the old build of Firefox wouldn't respect it's user settings for me either. I had to upgrade to a test build of Firefox 3.0 to get popups to cooperate; otherwise, in 2.0 and prior, they show up transparent. Trying to read text on top of other text doesn't work very well.

Anyhoo, this leads to problems. Until you see it for yourself (like Kacy mentioned a few days back), you don't realize how inaccessible things can be sometimes. Whether it's having to change my settings to read something that uses black text rather than default text (black-on-black isn't easy to read, if you couldn't guess), games that use a pretty light/white background and dark text, trying to read regular school textbooks, or maneuvering down unmarked steps in the real world (the marble steps at Grand Ave. Mall in particular)... it gets frustrating sometimes. (The steps are a double evil, with the whole lack of depth perception... but that's a different story.)


Next week I have an appointment with DVR (Dept. of Vocational Rehab) as part of my long-term disability requirements. I'm actually looking forward to getting help from them. Though I do know how to take care of some things on my own (I've got a magnifier for when I really need to read something & Kacy's not around), it'll be nice to get some help, especially from someone who deals with the blind/nearly-blind on a regular basis. (My ...case worker?... is geeky and has a geek hubby too, so that's an extra plus for helping in the geek job market.)

I'm kinda curious about cane training. Though I don't need it as badly as my mom did, it's nice to have the option, especially before it gets too bad. It also shows that I can't see well; rather than being an asshole that just ran into you without flinching, you'd realize you just completely blindsided me. I also wouldn't feel as bad having to stop different bus routes where they share a common stop if they know I can't see the route numbers.. which would be an issue if/when I eventually find a job downtown somewhere.


I guess we'll see what happens. It's not something I care to think about more than needed, but comes up way too often of late. *sigh* I suppose I can look on the bright side- at least I still have some vision. I suppose being nearly blind doesn't make that point easy to see, though.

"Everyone heard me say reset button, right?"

No bath (you've never seen my tub, icky rusted out drain (yae for old houses)), no meditation, no nap... didn't use any of them to help my mood. (Thanks for the suggestions, though.)

What did do it? Smiley-faced french fries. (It's the simple things, sometimes.....)

I dunno if that really was it or not, but by that point, my mood was a lot better. There wasn't any improvement yesterday morning; still had the lingering mood from the night before, and Ruby digging around in her food dish was annoying me even more.

I'd toned down my Aardwolf experience by turning off info and channels, but that didn't stay that way for that long. I got annoyed with myself over constatly checking the secreen even though I tried to limit what I saw. When I turned channels back on, I had to listen to someone I'd hoped would be gone longer, and just got more annoyed, to the point I froze myself so I couldn't return until Sunday.

I then spent 4-5 hours playing Civilization IV, and my mood started to ligthen some as I forgot about everything else. I had my other Puma Kola soda with lunch, and then was surprised with those fries for dinner along with bacon-cheddar chicken sausages. I was doing alright by that point. I didn't do much else; grabbed a late nap on the couch while Drawn Together was playing, and that was about it.

Without Aard, I showered and went to bed around 10:30, vs. the usual midnight ro so. Kacy joined me probably 20 minutes later. Since we went to bed early, we read some more of Microserfs. Kacy erupted into a giggling fit over the author's rendition of girls discussing tampons, pads, etc. (it was dead-on, from what she said). We stopped about the time the light went off, which was 11:45, and went to sleep. (Normally light going off means it's time to shower and then head to bed.)

I'll probably waste a few hours on Civ IV again today, but also going to do some stuff around the house. (Or maybe a nap, since my nap at 6pm or so last night didn't help me get to sleep.) ...At least, that's my intentions. I'd like to do something constructive (schoolwork or housework) before NWN tonight, and not just fall into the rut of wasting my day away on something else.

Regardless of what I do/don't do, at least it's an improvement in moods.

More of the same.

I'm annoyed and indecisive on things in general today, a slight tweak from the depressed I was earlier. I'm getting tired of being in this funk, but don't know why I'm even in it. I dedicate too much time to this PC, but there's not really much else to do. I don't have a job to go to which can break the monotony, and there's only so much one can do for cleaning/etc. before it gets old.

So, I get up, have coffee, check out stuff on Aardwolf, fiddle around 'til I gett ired or bored, got to sleep, wake back up, and go back to doing nothing 'til I go to bed at night. Everything I try to do lately--writing, job-hunting, cleaning, whatever--just feels pointless. Even writing this doesn't feel likeit's helping any; I'm infuriating myself that I'm constantly whining on here, even though that's the whole point of these things.

After an uneventful weekend (and a thankfully uneventful Zombie Jew Day), topped with an even more mediocre day today, I've cut off my connection to Aard for the time being. I'm gonna probably avoid homework 'til after dinner, see if that helps my mood some. We'll see what tomorrow brings... robably more of the same, but I think I'm gonna try to escape the daily routine and do something different.

(Of course, what I say, and what I do, are two totally different things.)

It was a dark and stormy night....

Ok, well, it wasn't stormy, but my mind was brewing up lotsa fun again. I was outside my mom's house and got robbe at gunpoint. I did exactly what I thought I'd do in the situation- laugh. I only had a few bucks on me, but a few credit cards, too. The robber looked and sounded a lot like Christopher Eccleston. (He was Claude from Heroes and The Carpenter from Gone in 60 Seconds, both of which I'd thought about yesterday, so not totally a surprise there.)

I remember acting stupid and being scared, even after he was 'done' and let us go, I was still looking over my back as I went into the house. I think I got yelled at for a smartass comment, though I don't remember what it was now. It woke me up, and I could still feel the adrenaline and my heart pumping.


It did make me do something I've thought about doing for a little while- I cleared some stuff out of my wallet that I don't use regularly. For example, I don't go to Best Buy that often, so I took out my Best Buy credit card. I can grab it when I know I'm going there and need it... and when I'm not, it's one less card to worry about if my wallet was stolen. I can't get rid of everything, but cutting down what's 'valuable' but not useful in most situations will help a little. It's not like I wouldn't cancel them as soon as possible anyway, but it's not something you think about until it happens.

I don't know what's made me so paranoid. I've never been mugged, never had house or car broken into, etc. I've always been slightly irked at flying, but the trip to MD for Dan's wedding was really nerve-wracking, too. The basement can freak me out at times now, depending on my mindset. Hell, a few times I've watched Heroes, I've gotten really creeped out and twitchy over any noise coming from the kitchen/etc. I don't know what's gotten into me or changed, but I'm not happy with it....

I just sent in paperwork for state-sponsored Medicaid (and covering my Medicare payments). There's a clinic a few blocks from here that I picked as my primary care agent, so I'll stop in at some point and give them a heads-up. I'm all for an active imagination, but not when it leaves me waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding.